Silver Lining, Day 436

Trump family seder was a huge disappointment when they opened the door for the prophet and Elijah Wood showed up.

Silver Lining, Day 435

Trump smeared lamb's blood on the White House door to keep Steve Bannon away. Happy Passover!

Silver Lining, Day 434

People are saying that Kellyanne Conway is really a demon sent to guard Donald and keep him safe because, if anything happened to him, he would try to take over and run Hell like his businesses. Satan is like, "Keep him on earth where he can't ruin a bad thing by accidentally making it better." I don't know if this true or not but, you know, PEOPLE are saying it and all I know is what I read on the internet.

Silver Lining, Day 433

Our trivia team may have lost tonight but we still have a higher approval rating than the schmuck at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Silver Lining, Day 432

Trump using his own money to laser off the tattooed names of his cabinet members from his arm. Praying Sarah Huckabee Sanders never leaves him because she has three names and he used a really big gothic font.

Silver Lining, Day 431

When Sessions has to tell Donald that "Better Call Saul" isn't a real person and, if he was, even he wouldn't defend him.

Silver Lining, Day 430

Trump had Hope Hicks, Rex Tillerson, Gary Cohn and H.R. McMaster in his Final Four brackets, so he has no chance of winning the White House March Madness pool.

Silver Lining, Day 429

The First Amendment will always be First.

Silver Lining, Day 428

Silver Lining, Day 427

Glad that Michael Bolton is getting work again. If he can run national security like he can belt out power ballads... what? Oh, never mind.

Silver Lining, Day 426

As bleak as things appear sometimes, there are beautiful places and wonderful individuals all across this land. We found lovely people in Virginia, Tennessee, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico and Arizona (and California, Maryland, and Delaware). We didn't see one bloodred MAGA hat, and only encountered one shopkeeper (sitting on a corner in Winslow, Arizona) that sold UGLY in his store. We here at Silver Linings, Inc., try not to judge our citizens for their beliefs, but rather mock the figures that we feel are making a mockery of our democracy. Thanks to everyone whose paths we crossed. We as a nation deserve better representatives in Congress and the White House.

Silver Lining, Day 425

Donald is way better than Obama at being a womanizing philanderer. Even Bill Clinton is like, "Whoah, that guy is a bigger horndog than me!"

Silver Lining, Day 424

White House Wi-Fi password changed to "abc123" because Donald kept misspelling "collusion."

Silver Lining, Day 423

Didn't get to Vegas in time to put a bet down on UMBC to beat Kansas State. Wondering where one can get the best odds on impeachment.

Silver Lining, Day 422

March 17 at 11:20pm · Albuquerque, NM · 

Leprechaun spotted in the White House turned out to be false alarm ... Jeff Sessions wearing tights that Donald picked out for him.

Silver Lining, Day 421

Imagining Melania throwing all of Donald's clothes out of the White House bedroom window onto the lawn.

Silver Lining, Day 420

Imagine Donald stoned. Would his tweets make sense?

Silver Lining, Day 419

After an amazing visit to to Clinton presidential library in Little Rock, puzzled by what a Trump library will look like. The gold Trump sign will be bigger than the building, although the Stormy Daniels wing and the Billy Bush Bus should make it remotely interesting.

Silver Lining, Day 418

March 13 at 7:06pm · Memphis, TN · 

Tillerson was not the resignation I had ordered for Melanie's birthday. You can't win em all!

Silver Lining, Day 417

March 12 at 11:49pm · Memphis, TN · 

The amount of gun billboards in Virginia and Tennessee is not as surprising as the amount of signage promoting all the sex shops along the interstate. Things are starting to make a little more sense.

Silver Lining, Day 416

The new slogan of the Trump Organization:

Silver Lining, Day 415

March 10 at 11:37pm · Rockville, MD · 

Asking Trump to do anything forward runs the risk of his central processor malfunctioning. So let's all spring forward!

Silver Lining, Day 414

We can't even get a diplomatic meeting with Mexico, you have to be a hell of an optimist to think Donald won't do SOMETHING in the next sixty days to derail talks with Kim Jong-Un.

Silver Lining, Day 413

In honor of International Women's Day, I choose to celebrate my two amazing daughters and the fact that they are wonderful humans.

Silver Lining, Day 412

The photo sent to Stormy Daniels likely won't be hung........in the Trump Presidential Library.

Silver Lining, Day 411

Ejector Seat installed in Oval Office to make Trump staff exits more efficient.

Silver Lining, Day 410

Also harder than brain surgery: hiring the best people. Maybe use Indeed, Donald, instead of the Pennysaver.

Silver Lining, Day 409

Last night at the Razzie Awards, it was announced that, if they ever make a Biopic about Donald, it will automatically win by default.

Silver Lining, Day 408

Ten Oscar-winning films being remade for the Trump Era:

10. Titanic Ass

9. 12 Years a Slumlord Millionaire (Mashup)

8. Terms of Impeachment

7. The (Bullshit) Artist

6. No Country for Old Racist Men

5. The Lost Emperor

4. Amadoofus

3. Gone With the Mind

2. The Russian Connection

and

1. Million Dollar Baby President

Silver Lining, Day 407

How it feels to work in the Trump Administration:

Silver Lining, Day 406

Now that Black History Month is over, he can stop walking on eggshells and really let it all hang out.