Silver Lining, Day 497

Petitioning for Trump to visit Hawai'i and demand an apology from the volcano for threatening to upstage him as the biggest spewer of noxious gas on the planet.

Silver Lining, Day 496

We here at Silver Linings Inc. are blaming every one of the previous 495 silver linings you didn't like on Ambien.

Silver Lining, Day 495

ABC uncancels Roseanne after president admits he hacked her account and sent offensive tweet. Since he can say whatever he wants, without consequences, we all live happily ever after.

Silver Lining, Day 494

No Trump cameo in the Solo movie, despite the casting of some pretty gnarly creatures.

Silver Lining, Day 493

A flock of seagulls. A pack of wolves. A murder of crows. A collusion of Trumps.

Silver Lining, Day 492

Rare find! Vintage shirt from when Indonesia was part of the United States! #NotReally

Silver Lining, Day 491

On Tuesday, nearly two-thirds of Lehigh University’s faculty members approved a motion to revoke Trump’s honorary degree, saying statements he has made are “inconsistent with the character and high standards expected of honorees.”

Silver Lining, Day 490

Silver Lining, Day 489

Congrats, NFL, I'm sure you've made the Star-Spangled Bungler really happy.

Silver Lining, Day 488

Donald, I thought about you every time we passed a New Jersey rest stop. Love, Bill

Silver Lining, Day 487

Sad that the current TV season is ending? Check out these summer shows for the Trump era:

10] America's Got a God Complex.

9] Bad Presidents Club

8] So You Think You Can Govern.

7] Don the Bounty Grabber.

6] Little Big Shits.

5] Pimp My Bride

4] American Idolator

3] Say Nyet to the Dress

2] Pandertrump Rules.

And

 1]The Amazing Racist.

Silver Lining, Day 486

Donald is always late when he carpools. He refuses to take the HOV lane, because he doesn't need another disease to confuse him.

Silver Lining, Day 485

Donald trying to plan how to make himself King so he can have a royal wedding on his next go-round. #FreeMelania

Silver Lining, Day 484

I hadn't had the opportunity to offer thoughts and prayers in, like, two weeks. So, hooray! Thoughts and prayers!

Silver Lining, Day 483

My brother, Seth Cohen, is better than all three of Ivanka's brothers, combined. Happy birthday, Seth!

Silver Lining, Day 482

Donald doesn't hear "yanny" or "laurel," he hears "stormy," and it's driving him crazy.

Silver Lining, Day 481

Donald is the cummerbund of American presidents.

Silver Lining, Day 480

Yesterday's Silver Lining was cancelled out of respect to moms everywhere. That, and the one I had written used the word "motherfucker' in the most literal sense of the term.

Silver Lining, Day 478

I am proud to report that, despite my close proximity to the White House earlier this week, I managed to maintain peak brain functionality AND avoid picking up anything nasty. I would like to credit the fine folks at DC Brau Brewing Company and several Virginia microbreweries for helping me escape unscathed.

Silver Lining, Day 477

Judicial caning is not allowed on men over 50 in Singapore. Donald was both relieved and a little disappointed when he found out.

Silver Lining, Day 476

Overheard while taking this picture: "I feel like I'm at the Gates of Mordor."

Silver Lining, Day 475

I'll praise Trump for his diplomatic "success" in the same spirit that I praise the burglar who remembered to flush the toilet after he robbed my house.

Silver Lining, Day 474

It's good that Donald is good at pulling out of things, or there would be more Trumps running around.

Silver Lining, Day 473

Trump to throw Stephen Miller into Kilauea. He couldn't find a virgin, so he settled for a Virgo.

Silver Lining, Day 472

The secret to Donald Trump's amazing head of "hair":

Silver Lining, Day 471

Predicting that Trump's finances take a big hit today when he bets half his fortune on the wrong horse to win the Kentucky Derby. In his defense, No Collusion seemed like a sure thing.

Silver Lining, Day 470

Top Ten Books on Trump's Kindle....

10-

9-

8-

7-

6-

5-

4-

3-

2-

And

1-

Silver Lining, Day 469

Trump bringing back relevance to our old trivia team name, Make America Fellate Again.

Silver Lining, Day 468

EXCLUSIVE! Ten Questions Cut from Bob Mueller's Question List:

10) Does your tanning bed look like a coffin?

9) Do you have any nude photos of Sean Hannity?

8) Why did Hillary cc you on all her missing emails?

7) With all of your money, have you ever thought of buying some common sense?

6) Would you be willing to testify under oath that you just LOVE Bill Cohen's Silver Linings?

5) Fuck, Marry, Kill: Vlad Putin, Kim Jong-Un, Kanye West.

4) Doesn't it speak volumes that even Sarah Palin won't return your calls?

3) How do you sit comfortably with Mitch McConnell's head up your ass?

2) What does covfefe really mean?

And

1) If you answered "no" to question 9, do you want some?

Silver Lining, Day 467

This Sign: