Silver Lining, Day 649

Donald showed up for work today in a Decent Human Being costume. But it started to burn and he had to take it off.

Silver Lining, Day 648

A dog bit Donald Trump. Don't worry. All he needed was a few shots and he was back to chasing squirrels.

Silver Lining, Day 647

Trump not going to be offered Cleveland Browns head coach position - Great for Cleveland, Bad for America.

Silver Lining, Day 646

At least he's not a Red Sox fan!

Silver Lining, Day 645

Donald's Insightful and Empathetic remarks after today's tragedy were a welcome change to his normal numskull rhetoric. If you disagree, come meet me on the Brooklyn Bridge, which I purchased today and we can discuss while we watch all the flying pigs.

Silver Lining, Day 644

Ten Bumper Stickers on the MAGABomber's van that didn't make the news:

10. Got Hatred?

9. COVFEFE Told Me to Do It!

8. Honk if you love Global Warming

7. My Child Bullied Your Honor Student at Plantation Elementary School

6. My Other Car is a Ford FuckUs

5. Brett Kavanaugh is My Spirit Animal

4. I Brake for Racists

3. Don't Blame Me, I Voted for an Oompa Loompa

2. I Put the "Adorable" in Deplorable

 And

1. My Parents Tore Down a Civil War Monument and All I Got Was This Lousy Bumper Sticker

Silver Lining, Day 643

Someone anonymously mailed Trump a VHS copy of "Gigli." He loved it.

Silver Lining, Day 642

At least the Dodgers are not losing to an army of Trump robot clones who have been programmed to play baseball. So it could be slightly worse.

Silver Lining, Day 641

Donald not allowed to throw out the first bitch in the World Series.

Silver Lining, Day 640

Ten New forms of Torture Sanctioned by the Trump Administration:

10. Having to force your bare arm into a box with a rabid cat, a.k.a. Grabbing the Pussy 

9. Dining in a Restaurant with Mitch McConnell in a Blue State, or any Large City

8. 36 Hours in a Diving Bell with a Viagra-ed up Utah Congressman, a.k.a. Going Down the Hatch

7. Having your eyes pried open a la Clockwork Orange and watching a naked Paul Ryan oil himself up and talk about how great Donald Trump is

6. Being force-fed KFC and having two guys in Don Jr. and Eric masks lick your fingers

5. Strapped to a chair, forced to drink Bud Light while Brett Kavanaugh rains acid tears onto your head while Lindsey Graham tickles your tushie

4. Forced to sunbathe in Mike Pence’s glare without any sunscreen

3. Ducktaped to Sean Hannity

2. Go to the movies with Susan Collins and Jeff Flake and sit in the car all night as they give long speeches about what film they want to see. And when all is said and done, the only thing left playing is a theater showing Trump University promotional videos on an endless loop

and

1. Locked in a small room with Donald Trump with nothing to eat but baked beans and Fiber One bars.

Silver Lining, Day 639

Trump disappointed to learn, while shopping for Halloween costumes, that there is no such thing as a "Slutty Commander-in-Chief" kit.

Silver Lining, Day 638

Ten Led Zeppelin songs, re-purposed for the Trump era...

10. Anti-Immigrant Song

9. Fool in the Reign

8. Living Loving Made in China

7. Moby Dickhead

6. Tangerine II: The Reckoning

5. Everybody's Fault But Mine

4. D'yer Grab'er

3. Crazed and Abused

2. Communication Director Breakdown '

and

1. What Is and What Should Never Be Again

Silver Lining, Day 637

The realization that "Intellectual Elite" is somehow being used as a slur against like-minded Liberals.

Thesaurus.com identifies the top antonyms (or opposites) of intellectual are "body, foolish, simple, physical, ignorant, stupid." [Roget's 21st Century Thesaurus, Third Edition Copyright © 2013 by the Philip Lief Group.]

Thesaurus.com identifies that top antonyms (or opposites) of elite are "bad, poor, common, lower, ordinary, inferior, second-rate, low-class, lower-class, worst." [Roget's 21st Century Thesaurus, Third Edition Copyright © 2013 by the Philip Lief Group.]

Now, I'm not calling anyone names, but merely pointing out the irony of someone sneering at "intellectual elites" while not even being conscious of word meanings.

Silver Lining, Day 636

Ten Foreigner songs re-recorded for the White House hold music -

10. That Was Yesterday (So It Must Not Be True Today)

9. Hot Puppet

8. Porn Star Head Games

7. Waiting for a Girl Like You (to be Mrs. Trump #4)

6. Bold-Assed Lies

5. Double Division

4. I Want to Know What a Fact Is

3. Dirty White Boy President

2. Douchebag Hero

 And

1. Feels Like the Worst Time

Silver Lining, Day 635

Donald tried to stream Harlots on Netflix. Disappointed none of the actresses are Russian, and there are no plot points involving water sports.

Silver Lining, Day 634

“Here we go again with you’re guilty until proven innocent," is a finalist in the annual Spoken Without a Sense of Irony competition.

Congrats to Donald "Lock Her Up" Trump! What's the over/under on contradicting himself?

I have tomorrow at 3:40 AM in the pool!

Silver Lining, Day 633

At least Trump is not trying to pin Jamal Khashoggi's disappearance on violent Democrats. Yet.

Silver Lining, Day 632

I've vomited more in 632 days than I did in eight years of Obama.

Silver Lining, Day 631

This!

Silver Lining, Day 630

Donald on a regimen of antibiotics after picking up a nasty Kanyeast Infection.

Silver Lining, Day 629

Donald alienating scientists means they are less likely to try and clone him.

Silver Lining, Day 628

Fox News hasn't figured out a way to blame hurricanes on Democrats. Yet. Stay safe, Floridians!

Silver Lining, Day 627

Interested in a job at the United Nations? See the world! There's an immediate opening!! Only qualification is loyalty! Are you a liar? No problem! Accusations of sexual assault got you down? Not to worry! We don't care! Apply now at www.whitehouse.gov/careers. The Trump Administration - Lowering the Bar Since 2017

Silver Lining, Day 626

I always wanted a Supreme Court Jester.

Silver Lining, Day 625

Fun with Autofill:

Back on day 237, I almost posted,

"When I type Donald Trump likes...."  into Google, the top three suggestions are

"Donald Trump likes McDonalds..."

"Donald Trump likes to move things..."

"Donald Trump likes China..."

Almost four hundred days later, Google suggests

"Donald Trump likes Mike..."

"Donald Trump likes McDonald's"

"Donald Trump likes his own tweets."

Not funny, but interesting.

Silver Lining, Day 624

Clarence Thomas fans rejoice! Your guy isn't the biggest douche on the Supreme Court anymore!

Silver Lining, Day 623

Unemployment rate in Hell at an all-time low as demons work feverishly to expand the Mitch McConnell Congressional Village.

Silver Lining, Day 622

Brett Kavanaugh banned from McDonald's for life after tearful testimony claiming "I did NOT want fries with that."

Silver Lining, Day 621

Today's "presidential alert" wasn't accompanied by a dick pic.

Silver Lining, Day 620

The FBI has discovered a mix tape Kavanaugh made for his workouts at Tobin's house. Here are ten songs that were on the side entitled "Inspiration":

10. "Dirty White Boy" by Foreigner

9. "Harden My Heart" by Quarterflash

8. "Liar" by The Sex Pistols

7. "Rough Boys" by Pete Townshend

6. "Piggies" by The Beatles

5. "Lyin' Eyes" by The Eagles

4. "Beer Drinkers and Hell Raisers" by ZZ Top

3. "Excitable Boy" by Warren Zevon

2. "Blackout" by Scorpions

 And

1. "Too Drunk to Fuck" by The Dead Kennedys

Silver Lining, Day 619

Good News for Melania: what she thought was chlamydia turned out to be just a democratic plot to discredit her vagina.