Ten New forms of Torture Sanctioned by the Trump Administration:
10. Having to force your bare arm into a box with a rabid cat, a.k.a. Grabbing the Pussy
9. Dining in a Restaurant with Mitch McConnell in a Blue State, or any Large City
8. 36 Hours in a Diving Bell with a Viagra-ed up Utah Congressman, a.k.a. Going Down the Hatch
7. Having your eyes pried open a la Clockwork Orange and watching a naked Paul Ryan oil himself up and talk about how great Donald Trump is
6. Being force-fed KFC and having two guys in Don Jr. and Eric masks lick your fingers
5. Strapped to a chair, forced to drink Bud Light while Brett Kavanaugh rains acid tears onto your head while Lindsey Graham tickles your tushie
4. Forced to sunbathe in Mike Pence’s glare without any sunscreen
3. Ducktaped to Sean Hannity
2. Go to the movies with Susan Collins and Jeff Flake and sit in the car all night as they give long speeches about what film they want to see. And when all is said and done, the only thing left playing is a theater showing Trump University promotional videos on an endless loop
and
1. Locked in a small room with Donald Trump with nothing to eat but baked beans and Fiber One bars.
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