Silver Lining, Day 710

As 2018 ends, I am not worried about losing my job and am confident that I won't be impeached. My beautiful wife likes to hold my hand in public. My children are lovely human beings and not insufferable pricks. I have wonderful friends who won't write tell-all books about me.

I wish you all a happy 2019 and thank you all for your kind words about Silver Linings, which will hopefully conclude in the coming year!

Silver Lining, Day 709

The last time the Detroit Lions shut out the Green Bay Packers, it was 1973 and Nixon was president. He resigned within ten months. I do not believe this is a coincidence! I believe in terrible omens!!

Silver Lining, Day 708

Aliens came to Queens because they couldn't find any intelligent life at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Silver Lining, Day 707

Guess what Donald gets...

Silver Lining, Day 706

Donald doesn't believe in Climate Change, either. 

Chalk one up for Santa!

Silver Lining, Day 705

When you lay your collective heads down on your collective pillows tonight, dream of Donald coming home from Iraq, being stopped at the border, not allowed to return home, and held in a cage with other "undesirables."

Silver Lining, Day 704

Child who Trump challenged about believing in Santa was offered a cabinet position but declined, saying, "I may believe in a fat guy in a red suit who flies around the world with magical reindeer, but I don't believe in stupid assholes."

Silver Lining, Day 703

Melania convinced Donald to drop this from his Christmas list...

Silver Lining, Day 702

I can think of one federal employee who should be furloughed permanently.

Silver Lining, Day 701

Despite Trump's promise to save coal jobs, Santa's planning on filling his stocking with reindeer shit.

Silver Lining, Day 700

On this, the Winter Solstice, it is only fitting that we have reached the number of silver linings equivalent to the number of "the very best" people who have left the Trump administration, plus the number of indictments currently filed against said people, divided by the number of Porn stars our commander-in-chief has allegedly fornicated with, multiplied by the top number of beers that Brett Kavanugh ever drank in a single night with P.J., Squi, Tobin and Judge, minus π.

Silver Lining, Day 699

Donald got this in White House Secret Santa party. Had to give it to Pence because his hands were too small.

Buy it here.

Silver Lining, Day 698

When NYC shop owners simultaneously cater to and troll Trump-loving tourists.

Silver Lining, Day 697

After last week's meeting in the White House, Yoko Ono and Paul McCartney re-released a special version of "The Ballad of John and Yoko," retitled "The Ballad of Chuck and Nancy"....

Sitting in the Oval Office
Chatting with The Donald and Pence
The man with the fake tan
Blubbered, Hey Chuck and Nan,
You know I want to build a really big fence

Christ you know it ain't easy
You know how hard it can be
The way things are going
He’s going to break our country

Finally won a mid-term election
But Trumpy thinks he still has it all
He can bluster all day
Think’s he’ll make us all pay
For his butt-ugly Yuge border wall

Christ you know it ain't easy
You know how hard it can be
The way things are going
He’s going to shut down our country

Drove from Mar a Lago to the Miami Dade Prison
Talking to the press for a week
The fake newspapers said
That Trumpy’s face was so red
And poor Pencey was just falling asleep

Christ you know it ain't easy
You know how hard it can be
The way things are going
They're going to kill our country

Saving up your tweets for a rainy day
Giving all your clothes to charity - NOT!
Last night Melania said
Oh boy when you're dead
You don't take nothing with you
but your soul (if you had one), think

Made a lightning trip to Trump Tower
Sarah's eating chocolate cake in a bag
The fake newspapers said
She's gone to his head
They look just like two liars in drag

Christ you know it ain't easy
You know how hard it can be
The way things are going
He’s gonna grab our country’s pussy

And now he’s backing off on a shutdown
Two giant testicles in that Trump sack
Secretary o' the press
Said, I don’t see a mess
I don’t think he’ll be asking you back

Chuck you know it ain't easy
You know it’s true, Pelosi
The way things are going
Trump won’t see a Year Three
The way things are going
We’ll win back our country!

Silver Lining, Day 695

Donald asked if he could borrow Miley Cyrus's Saturday Night Live jacket and she declined. She'd already promised it to Pence.

Silver Lining, Day 694

Tshdhdh da jxjdjdk. Djdjdjd Chief of Stafg dugdvdidbd covfwfe.

Silver Lining, Day 693

New on Amazon - The Man in the Highchair.

Silver Lining, Day 691

From the archives of unpublished Silver Linings:

Silver Lining, Day 114: Enjoying the segment of society that blames all it's woes on the media and the liberals, thinks we are still mad about the election and that we are chewing on sour grapes, crying over spilt milk. We elected a reality show con artist who is handing out cups of tangerine kool-aid and there are people who are drinking it. Every day this snake oil salesman insults us with his lies, I am more certain he doesn't have our backs. And when he falls off his high tower, Mr. Trumpty Dumpty, people will say the Democrats pushed him. 

Silver Lining, Day 690

Melania relieved ... she thought she lost the jar with Donald's balls in it. Nancy Pelosi had a nice pair of earrings made out of them.

Silver Lining, Day 689

A Christmas Carol for the Trump Era.....

Church bells toll, are you sweating?
Cabinet post, why bother vetting?
A beautiful sight!
Indictments tonight!
It’s an Individual 1-derland

Gone away is our Integrity
Putin paid for our security
He pulls puppet strings
On the Trump ding-a-ling
Colluding Individual 1-derland

In the meadow we can build a Straw Man
Then pretend that he is not a Ghoul.
He'll say, Are you worried?
We'll say, Yes, man
While he lies and plays us all
For fools.

Later on, he'll conspire
As he obstructs, that dirty liar
To face unafraid
The plots he has laid
Tweeting Individual 1-derland

In this country we elected a conman
Watching as he acts the circus clown
We'll have lots of fun with Putin's toy, man
As he brings our whole great nation down!

When it all blows, won't it be thrilling
Congress knows, it’s time for grilling
We'll frolic and play, the Bob Mueller way
Impeaching Individual 1-derland

Convicting Individual 1-derland !
Locking up Individual 1-derland !!

Silver Lining, Day 688

It's hard to find a Chief of Staff when your staff is infected.

Silver Lining, Day 687

Trump's tweet that states "Totally clears the President. Thank you!" was missing a key hashtag: #gonorrhea

Silver Lining, Day 686

The fact that, back on day 320, I almost published the following Silver Lining:

There's a path to Congress for pedophiles! Step 1: Be a pedophile. Step 2: Be a Republican. Step 3: Deny being a pedophile and get the president to endorse you. 

Easy Peasy! Is American great again yet?
#PedophiliaTrumpsBeingADemocrat

Fortunately, Roy Moore lost and I didn't have to publish it. So, there's that.

Silver Lining, Day 685

Like clockwork, one of my friends inevitably posts this on my Facebook timeline at least once every December:

Silver Lining, Day 684

Ever the planner, Donald had already made arrangements for his memorial service to be held in Dallas, at the largest Hooters in the world.

Silver Lining, Day 683

If Donald joined the army, he would be so successful, I'm sure that, in no time at all, he would rise to the rank of General.

Silver Lining, Day 682

This is an actual commercial that we saw last night while watching tv last night here in South Florida. There are no words.

 

Silver Lining, Day 681

The Packers fired their coach so fast, even Donald was impressed.

Silver Lining, Day 680

Trump ejected from G20 summit in Argentina after he repeatedly ignored pleas to stop interrupting speeches by bellowing out "YOU SANK MY BATTLESHIP!" at every mention of the summit name.