Silver Lining, Day 377

Yesterday on the 3 train, I spotted someone reading a book, with a title that summed up the State of the Union speech perfectly:

Silver Lining, Day 376

Tonight during the State of the Union address will be one of the few times in recent memory when the chance of finding a Republican Congressman having sexual relations in an airport restroom will be absolutely zero.

Silver Lining, Day 375

The dust has settled from the 60th annual Grammy Awards last night. Bruno Mars was the big winner, but what about the losers? The White House has teamed with the Recording Academy to hire Sara Bareilles Huckabee Sanders, Ted Cruz Nugent and Kellyanne Conway Twitty to re-record the following ten Grammy-nominated songs, rebranded in honor of the first anniversary of the “shitholing of the American presidency”:

10. “Not Humble” (orig. by Kendrick Lamar)

9. “Drinkin’ Kool-Aid Problem” (orig. by Midland)

8. “Melodrama in the Cabinet” (orig by Lorde)

7. “(Master of) Distraction (orig by Kehlani)

6. “The Weekend (at Mar-a-lago), Parts 1-52” (orig by SZA)

5. “Prsdntl Prblms” (orig by 6lack)

4. “Bounce Omarosa” (orig by Big Sean)

3. “Praying (for an Indictment)” (orig by Kesha)

2. “Bodak Orange” (orig by Cardi B)

And

1. “Despa-cheeto” (orig by Luis Fonsi)

Silver Lining, Day 374

Fortunately, Switzerland is neutral. Otherwise they would have declared war on the U.S. after one-too-many Swiss cheese jokes by our president.

Silver Lining, Day 373

Trump tried to fire me in June, as well. But right before he picked up the phone to place the order, someone told him that Hillary forgot to tip a Starbucks barista in 2003 and he got, like, totally distracted.

Silver Lining, Day 372

While searching for Obama's birth certificate, a rare document was unearthed. This long lost photo of Leon Cohen​ is a classic. Sorry, Ladies, he's taken! Happy Birthday, Dad!

Silver Lining, Day 371

Making Iron Maiden More Relevant.

Silver Lining, Day 370

Silver Lining, Day 369

Imagine how much more effective he would be if he wasn't such a narcissistic sociopath with a Twitter problem.

Silver Lining, Day 368

"Don't let the bastards grind you down." I was reminded over the weekend at the march in NYC when I saw the quote from The Handmaid's Tale on a poster on Central Park West. Amen. And now this sign of resistance in Bay Ridge. Amen. These silver linings are my contribution to the Resistance. I was reenergized by my fellow citizens this weekend and I am determined to be resilient even as the hypocrisy rains down in buckets of excrement over this fine country.

Silver Lining, Day 367

If the Patriots had lost the AFC Championship game, Trump would have blamed Chuck Schumer. So, we were spared THAT nonsense. #CheetoLogic

Silver Lining, Day 366 (part 2)

Wishful Thinking #womensmarch

Silver Lining, Day 366 (part 1)

We here at Silver Linings Inc will be marching today in New York City. My poster, which I have shared below, was created with the spirit of our president in mind. If you were expecting something dignified, mature, open-minded, thoughtful, and unoffensive, you will be sadly disappointed.

Silver Lining, Day 365

Back on Day 301, we talked about ten breakfast cereals for the Trump era. Here are ten more:

10. Honey Bunches of Potus
9. Frosted Snowflakes (in both Red AND Blue boxes)
8. Broken Treaties (The Breakfast of Chumpions)
7. Jeerios
6. Lucky Harms
5. Boo Barry Obama
4. Special K-ounsel
3. Crookie Crisp
2. Cinnamon Complexion Crunch

and

1. Count Dickula

If you missed the first ten, revisit it here.

Silver Lining, Day 364

If you think 364 days is bad, it could be worse. For dogs, it feels like 2548 days.

Silver Lining, Day 363

We here at Silver Linings Inc. won't be weighing in on the president's poundage. That would be like trashing Harvey Weinstein for having bad breath.

Silver Lining, Day 362

Melanie hasn't left me for Cory Booker yet.

Silver Lining, Day 361

In light of the Tangerine Turd Tickler’s reference to “Shithole Countries,” we here at Silver Linings Inc. have learned that he disparaged several other nations in the same meeting. Here are just a few alleged examples:

Luxembourg - That “Fake Country” liberals made up to trick me.
Djibouti - That KC & the Sunshine Band Country
Laos - Again With the Made-up Names?
Mongolia - That Barbeque Pit of a Nation
Maldives - The Salad Place
Liechtenstein - The Spelling Bee Country
Samoa - Only Good for Girl Scout Cookies
Tajikistan - One Stan too Many
Latvia - The place that sounds sexy AND dirty
Nepal - Boobieville
Brazil - Thongolia
France - That Country with the Smart Cooking Rats

Silver Lining, Day 360

When's the last time you heard someone say, "I am a racist"?

Silver Lining, Day 359

Hawai'i is still a place. ♡♡♡♡

Silver Lining, Day 358

Once again, the Daily News does the heavy lifting for me.

Silver Lining, Day 357

We get to add "shithole" to the dignified language of the presidential lexicon. Thanks, Shithole!

Silver Lining, Day 356

Someone told me yesterday that iguana poop is toxic to humans. This has nothing to do with anything. #Trumpet

Silver Lining, Day 355

His proposal to change the national anthem to the tune of 1-877-Kars-4-Kids was rejected be Congress.

Silver Lining, Day 354

Ms. Winfrey is too good for The American Presidency. Might I suggest POPE-RAH?

Silver Lining, Day 353

Golden Globe Awards. I can't predict who will win, but I can predict it'll annoy the hell out of Trump and the folks over at the state-run propaganda machine at Fox News.

Silver Lining, Day 352

If Trump really was a "stable genius," he'd have figured out a way to get his horseshit to smell like roses.

Silver Lining, Day 351

The Donald will NOT be participating in Sunday's No Pants subway ride!

Silver Lining, Day 350

Trump preemptively dismisses importance of Donald Trump, Jr., to his campaign. "I barely know the guy," he reportedly said. Sarah Huckabee Sanders backed up her boss, claiming that Don Jr. is "just some random dude that fell out of the president's ex-wife's vagina." She added that the similarity in their names is "pure coincidence inflated by the Deep State Fake News Lamestream Media."

Silver Lining, Day 349

Getting to see the Marigold Hobgoblin's tweets, before Sarah Huckabee Sanders edits them...

Silver Lining, Day 348

In 2017, no Americans died as the result of:

1) Pot-bellied pig trampling, or
2) Salmon with nunchuku, or
3) Sloth yodeling, or
4) Porcupine taunting, and even
5) Canaries with switchblades.

Thank you, President Trump, for saving us!

Silver Lining, Day 347

29 Days until the State of The Union address. You have plenty of time to stock up on Dramamine!