Earlier this week, Fox News whipped their followers into a short-lived frothy frenzy over a politically-charged Pearl Jam concert poster. In a collaboration with fellow Ten Clubber Dan Miller, here are ten unforeseen outcomes of Pearl Jam tweaking the nose of the current swamp-dwellers at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. The first four are mine, the last six are Dan's, with my editorial touch:
10 - Pearl Harbor to be renamed Putin Harbor.
9 - Plans to outlaw flannel shirts because Don Jr. convinces Dad that’s all that Pearl Jam fans wear. L.L. Bean goes out of business.
8 - Unheeded demands that Seattle secede from the Union.
7 - Snowflakes who complained about the Missoula poster, publicly proclaimed to stop listening to Pearl Jam, resulting in a huge resurgence of Nickelback fanboys.
6 - Band releases “Bu$hleaguer II” which paints W. as less of an asshole, more as a prelude to an asshole.
5 - Eddie changes lyrics of “Release” to include the phrases “golden shower tapes” and “tax returns”.
4 - Band forced to testify before Congress. Panelists embarrassed that everyone is more coherent, literate, and qualified than most of the House of Representatives.
3 - Trump goes “undercover” to a show, buys a limited edition concert poster, refuses to get a tube, cries when it gets crushed.
2 - Donald convinces ICE that they need to deport keyboardist Boom Gaspar back to Hawai’i.
and
1 - Jeremy given a Non-Disclosure Agreement so he won’t be able to speak in class today.
Thanks to Dan for the collaboration!
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