Ten things Vladimir Putin wants to do when he comes to Washington D.C. in the fall.
10. Go hunting with Don Jr. and Eric at the National Zoo.
9. Go to a Starbucks, order a frappuccino, and give his name as "the Real POTUS".
8. Tour the rose garden and kill snails.
7. Give Mitch McConnell a hickey.
6. Take a gag picture where he looks like he's trying to fellate the Washington Monument.
5. Use his power to influence the outcome of the PTA election at Thurgood Marshall Academy Public Charter High School.
4. Replace the batteries on all the bugs in the Oval Office.
3. Have a three-way with Mike and Karen Pence.
2. Watch porn with Clarence Thomas.
and
1. Finish the "Putin's Little Bitch" tramp stamp he started on Donald in Helsinki.
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