Silver Lining, Day 1014

Donald dressed up for Halloween as a President with a Conscience. He had to change after Mitch McConnell shit himself in fear, and you can still hear Lindsay Graham's banshee wail up and down the Eastern seaboard.

Silver Lining, Day 1013

Trump is so cocky, he already booked the following "cover" bands for his 2021 inaugural ball..... 

Impeaches & Herb

Errorsmith

The Boors

Donald in Chains

Styble Gynyus

Nine Inch Fails

Lindsey Graham Parsons Project

The Four Flops

Numbskullica

The Tyrds

And

Buffoon 5

Silver Lining, Day 1012

The Swamp is like, "Ugh, get this disgusting thing out of me already!"

Silver Lining, Day 1011

A lot of foul balls at the ballgame last night. #SackTrumpsSack

Silver Lining, Day 1010

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi had dirt on Hunter Biden AND Hillary's emails. #TooSoon

Silver Lining, Day 1009

As far as we know, unlike Rudy Giuliani, Donald hasn't butt-dialed anyone lately. If he has, I would love to see how he pins it on Obama, Hillary's emails, and/or the failing New York Times.

Silver Lining, Day 1008

For every Silver Lining, there's someone driving one of these. At least it's red so you can see it coming!

Silver Lining, Day 1007

If a traitor falls in a forest, does it make a sound? No, but it tweets like a canary.

Silver Lining, Day 1006

Kudos to the United Nations for successfully getting the Trump smell out of the General Assembly chamber.

Silver Lining, Day 1005

Donald Trump is the subway churro of presidents. Fellow New Yorkers, please elaborate in the comments below.

Silver Lining, Day 1004

This isn't funny. I'm just predicting a wild week.

Silver Lining, Day 1003

Trump resort no longer hosting G-7 summit next year. Looking to relocate it to San Quentin.

Silver Lining, Day 1002

Three more offerings from the Brewpub.....

BRIAN KILMEADE MEAD

When the going gets tough, curl up with Fox and Friends & suck up this honeyed concoction that will flatter you with its vacuous taste. This fermented blend of honey and spice will kiss your ass while licking your taste buds.

BREITBART ALT-RIGHT-BIER

This top-fermented German brew packs a wallop with an almost illegal level of anti-Semitism. Have more than one and you’ll be spouting conspiracy theories and raving about the Deep State. Pairs well with treif and Sean Hannity.

PELOSI PILSNER

This bright golden beer is deceptively strong. Sure, you think you're man enough to handle it, but this strong blend of hops will make you regret underestimating the punch this beer packs. If you're a lightweight president, this shit will fuck you up.

Silver Lining, Day 1001

I can only assume this is okay because he won't be president next year.

Silver Lining, Day 1000

 A Song for this momentous occasion...

You eats burders
Covfefe and dreams
How to be brave
How can I hope when I'm afraid of your Wall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt, suddenly slips away somehow

One day closer

I have prayed everyday, waiting for you
Dotard, to go away, I have suffered for a thousand days
Thank the lord there’s not a thousand more

Truth stands still
Lies are all you are
I will be brave
I will not let Fox, take away
What's standing in front of me
Reality, every tweet has come to this

One day closer

I have prayed everyday, waiting for you
Liar, to go away, I have suffered for a thousand days
I won’t bear you for a thousand more
And all along I believed, I would outlast you
Time has brought your dark heart to me, I have mourned you for a thousand days
I'll despise you forever more

One day closer
One day closer

I have prayed everyday, waiting for you
Schmuck, go away, we have braved you for a thousand days
Thank God there won’t be a thousand more

And all along you deceived, I would berate you
Time has brought impeachment here, I have loathed you for a thousand days

No, there won’t be a thousand more

Silver Lining, Day 999

Donald as a GIF.

Silver Lining, Day 998

Three more offerings from the Trump brewpub, all great options for debate-viewing!

Vlad Ain’t Bad Russian Imperial Stout

This dark, thick sludgy stout was aged in discarded Stolichnaya bottles. Crafted by shirtless humorless Muscovites, this brew will not only help you win an election, but will also have you wondering the next day if incontinent hookers contributed to your hangover.

Too Bad She’s My Daughter Blonde Ale

You’ll want a Silkwood shower after a glass of this beer. Boasting a fine bouquet of bleach, backed with notes of brisket and condescension. The Donald himself doesn’t partake in spirits but he has said, “If I did drink, I’d drink the hell out of this brew!”

Where the Hell is Belgium Tripel

This strong pale ale is brewed somewhere in Europe, in one of those countries that has a lot of unpronouncable city names. This deep golden beverage will have you wondering why some people love Brussels sprouts, and why some people hate them. Pairs wells with Brussels sprouts and geographical ignorance.

Silver Lining, Day 997

Three more offerings at the Trump brewpub....

No Collusion Kölsch

This German-style brew, fermented with ale yeast, and then finished with lagering, was specially adapted for the Trump Brewpub. We only serve this to customers asking for something else. Want a wine spritzer? Here’s a No Collusion Kölsch! Want a shot of whiskey? Here’s a No Collusion Kölsch! Want to know where the restroom is? Here’s a No Collusion Kölsch. It doesn’t matter what you say! We’ll deflect and distract with the crisp ale that resonates of tiki torches and very fine people.

Red Hat Oktoberfisticuffs

Resonant of traditional Bavarian märzen-style lagers, this special blend is the only beer sold at Trump rallies in the fall. Red dye added to mimic a liquid form of a Make America Great Again hat. The maltiness is enhanced by a dash of Four Loko that inspires people who have imbibed this brew to physically assault anyone who disagrees with the idea of an infallible fearless leader.

Truth Dodger Lager

This crisp, golden ale is as pure as a grand dragon’s robes. Special ingredient (greed laced with Trump DNA molecules) has a curious yet pleasing effect of making anyone who drinks this incapable of telling the truth. An homage to our illustrious prevaricator, have a pint of this “anti” truth serum, and you will be raving about the lamestream media in no time.

Silver Lining, Day 996

Inspired by a suggestion from friend Erik Thorell, I am proud to announce the opening of the TRUMP brewpub.

These are our first three offerings:

TRAISON Saison 

 Aged in barrels manufactured from trees illegally cleared to make room for a border wall, this saison is blended with cowardice and deviousness, with a mixture of treasonous yeasts and racist hops. 

MAGA DE-PORTER

Brewed with Folger’s crystals and vanilla beans, this dark roasty brew has a blend of Hershey’s Chocolate malt and Wheaties. Ingredients only from ‘Murica, with a specially-harvested xenophobia that will make your foreign friends scrunch up their noses and say “What is this shit?”

GOSE FUCK YOURSELF

This gose (pronounced Go-Suh) sour specialty brew is guaranteed to make you pucker up and close your mind even further. Charged with tangerine zest and lots of heterosexual fruit, this refreshing concoction will enable you to more easily ignore facts, embrace fascism, and lose friends at an alarming rate. Pairs well with bloody steak.

Stay tuned for more offerings from our very fine brewers....

Silver Lining, Day 995

Donald is the Broken Door President. 

Unhinged.

Silver Lining, Day 994

Sing like a canary, Rudy Guliandrews.

Silver Lining, Day 993

Tired of hearing negative shit about the president? Head over to Fox News.con and play the "Where the heck is the Impeachment news?" game. When in a constitutional crisis, best to shine the brightest light on NBC and how they "botched" the Matt Lauer case. Priorities, people!

Silver Lining, Day 992

I asked the Lord to forgive Donald's sins for Yom Kippur but I got a text back saying they were still working on his transgressions from 2016.

Silver Lining, Day 990

Someone needs to have his great and unmatched wisdom teeth removed.

Silver Lining, Day 989

Donald bans Snow White from the White House theater. Too many whistle-blowers.

Silver Lining, Day 988

Who needs to see the Joker when we've been dealing with one for almost a thousand days?

Silver Lining, Day 987

I'm loving the pumpkin spice treason.

Silver Lining, Day 986

A little Trumpy Cypress Hill reboot....

Who you tryin' ta mess with Joe?
Don't you know I'm uber loco?
I’ll soon be on the lam
Boy presidentin’s tough
I just toss that covfefe in the fryin' pan
Like spam
It's done when I come tweetin
Slam
Damn, I feel like the Son of Fred
Don't make me wrek ya scootin’
Automatic got me goin' like Vladimir Putin
Damn
The lights are blinking I'm never thinking
It's all over presidency is sinking
Oh
Makin' my mind slow,
That's why I don't fuck wit da facts, uh-oh
Bro
I got ta' mansplain
'Cause a chump like me is goin' insane

Insane in the membrane
Insane in the brain!
Insane in the Ukraine
Insane in the brain!

Do my shit undercover
Now it's time for the liar
Blabber
To watch dat head get fatter
Fat boy on a reality diet
Don't try it, Congress
I'll check your ass like Billy Bush in a pussy riot
Much too fast like a sumo slammin' dat ass
Leavin' your laws in the grass
You know
I don't take impeachment
Neatly
Schiff just jealous 'cause he can't out-tweet me
So kick that style, wicked
Wild
Happy face Pelosi never seen me smile
Whip dat timeframe
I'll explain
A dotard like me is goin' insane

Insane in the membrane
Insane in the brain!
Insane in the Ukraine
Insane in the brain!

Like Louie Armstrong
Play the trumpet, I'll hit dat button
And nuke ya off somethin' soon
I got ta get my chops
Pops
Come and try ta' fact-check me Fox
CNN and MSNBC, want to blow my housa cards down
I’m an orange ass clown
Burnin DC to the ground
They get wise when they hear my lies
And I'm all over shit like the lord of flies
Yes I'm the Liar in Chief
Can’t be brief
Running the ship of state into the reef
Hide from the truth like a treacherous queen
Now do you believe in the unseen
Look
But don't make ya' eyes strain

A POTUS like me is goin' insane

Insane in the membrane
Insane in the brain!
Insane in the membrane
Insane in the Ukraine!

Silver Lining, Day 985

Whenever Trump travels, if he can't stay at one of his own hotels, he prefers the Four Treasons.

Silver Lining, Day 984

 I am re-posting this, with a few revisions, from Day 598:

On Rosh Hashanah it is inscribed,

And on Yom Kippur it is sealed.

How many shall pass away and how many shall be born,

Who shall live and who shall die,

Who shall reach the end of his days and who shall not,

Who shall speak facts and who shall speak alternate facts,

Who shall be a bully, and who shall rise above the bullying,

Who shall do what is right, and who shall do what is needed to get re-elected,

Who shall endlessly tweet indiscriminately and who shall think,

Who shall be the exemplar of narcissism and who shall be humble,

Who shall be loyal to their country and who shall be loyal only to wallets,

Who shall uphold the Constitution and who shall treat it like a roll of knock-off Charmin,

Who shall rise higher and who shall fall lower,

Who shall stoke the flames of fear, mistrust, and bigotry, and who shall nourish love, partnership and community,

Who shall continue to divide us, and who shall seek to unite us,

Who shall remain, and who shall be impeached,

Who shall show courage in the Senate, and who shall embrace Cowardice,

Who shall be the clouds, and who shall be the silver linings,

On Rosh Hashanah it is inscribed and on Yom Kippur it is sealed.

Amen.