Silver Lining, Day 315

I can say whatever the fuck I want about Donald Trump. It doesn't matter if what I say is real, because the threat is real. Thanks, Sara Huckabee Sanders, for your words.

Silver Lining, Day 314

I will donate $1000 to the charity of your choice to the first person who can stick this sign on Trump's back:

Silver Lining, Day 313

Thanks to my friend Garrett for the idea for Ten Disney films, remade for the Trump Era (part 1). He also gets the assist for numbers 6 and 3:

10, The Emperor’s New Toupee
9. The Recusers
8. Aladdin - Extremely Vetted
7. Beauty and the Tweets
6. Pocahontas (and the Oompa Loompa Who Secretly Loved Her)
5. One Hundred and One People at Your Inauguration
4. Snow White Supremacist and the Seven Trumps
3. Dumbo in the West Wing
2. The Lyin’ King

and

1. Moana and Her "Missing" Birth Certificate

Silver Lining, Day 312

Part Two of James Bond films, in order, remade for the Trump Era:

9. The Spy Who Elected Me
8. Moonraper
7. For Your Thighs Only
6. Octopussygrabber
5. Never Say Never Tweet Again
4. A View to A Hill-ary Email Server
3. Scaring the Living Daylights Out of Everyone
2. License To Kill Anything Obama Ever Touched

and

1. GoldenEye, GoldenDee, GoldenEye, GoldenOh, GoldenTee

Silver Lining, Day 311

I'm trying to train my Amazon Echo to make a fart noise whenever it hears the name "Trump." Alexa is not cooperating.

Silver Lining, Day 310

It's more fun to mock this president than any other president in history. Because you know if he knew you were mocking him, he'd send an angry tweet that would just reinforce what an insufferable insecure ass he is.

Silver Lining, Day 309

The Rolling Stones were feeling left out. Here are ten songs they're re-recording for the Trump Era:

10. The Spicer and the Lie
9. Tumbling Indictments
8. Gimme Tax Shelters
7. It’s Only Fox and Friends (But I Like It)
6. Shattered Ego
5. Paint it White
4. Undercover of the Right
3. Jumpin' Jack Ass
2. Russia’s Little Helper

and

1. Sympathy for the Very Fine People

Silver Lining, Day 308

Executive Order changing the name of Thanksgiving to Thankstaking was scrapped when Donald lost his pen in his hair. Happy Turkey Day Everyone!

Silver Lining, Day 307

I'm in a foul mood. This next list made me feel slightly better. Here are the first ten James Bond films, in order, remade for the Trump Era:

10. Dr. Nyet
9. From Russia With Love (and an Election)
8. Goldasshole
7. ThunderLaVarBall
6. Casino Royale-ly Bankrupt
5. You Only Live Twice, But Get Elected Once
4. On Her Majesty’s Secret Cervix
3. Diamonds Are Forever 21 (14 if You're Roy Moore)
2. Live and Let Dye

and

1. The Man with the Golden Shower Fetish

Silver Lining, Day 306

In a bizarre ceremony, Wishbone, one of the White House turkeys, pardoned Donald Trump. The President was so impressed, he proclaimed Wishbone "the smartest turkey he ever met," and appointed Wishbone the new Secretary of Education, replacing Betsy DeVos.

Silver Lining, Day 305

With Charles Manson dead, there's one less person in the United States we can say is worse than Donald Trump.

Silver Lining, Day 304

If you can't say anything nice about someone, you shouldn't say anything. So, here are ten nice things I like about Donald:

10.
9.
8.
7.
6.
5.
4.
3.
2.

and

1. All of the above

Silver Lining, Day 303

Ten More Beatles Remakes for the Trump Era (part 2):

10. Here Comes the Gun Lobby
9. Molesterday
8. I Should Have Known Better (But I Never Do)
7. Hey Jew (Be More Afraid)
6. I've Just Seen a Racist
5. Everybody’s Got Something to Hide Except for Me and My Family
4. She Said She Said (But Only Believe Her if She’s Accusing a Democrat)
3. The Continuing Story of Bungling Don
2. The Fool on the Capitol Hill

and

1. I Saw Her Standing There and I moved on her like a bitch. But I couldn’t get there. And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she’s now got the big phony tits and everything.

Silver Lining, Day 302

Much has been made of the conservative leanings of the Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend of The Who. Here are fifteen (15!) songs from their catalog they should consider remaking for the Trump presidency.

15. I'm a Goy
14. Squeeze the Middle Class Box
13. Hypocrisy Me, Feel Me
12. Bullshit Wizard
11. Vlad, Reign O'er Me
10. Magic Bust (of Robert E. Lee)
9. Won’t Get Schooled Again (feat. MC DeVos)
8. We’re Not Gonna Repeal It
7. Long Live Fox
6. (I Had No Meeting with) Boris the Spider
5. Behind Blue Lies
4. Comey Can You Hear Me?
3. Meullertime Blues
2. My Degeneration

and

1. The Kids Are Alt-Right

Silver Lining, Day 301

Ten Breakfast Cereals for the Trump Era (part 1):

10. Rice Chex and Balances
9. Raisin Bannon
8. Russian Trix
7. Immigrant Toast Crunch
6. Cap’n KKKrunch
5. Golden Shower Grahams
4. ICE Krispies (Previously known as Susan Rice Krispies and, before that, Condoleeza Rice Krispies)
3. Statuatory Rape Nuts (Legal Only in Alabama)
2. Frosted Mini Tweets

and

1. HoneyComb Over

Silver Lining, Day 300

Ten Rejected J.K. Rowling reboots (in no particular order) for the Trump Era:

10. The Casual Presidency
9. Harry Potter and the Cursed Twitter Account
8. Fantastic Press Secretaries and Where To Find Them
7. Harry Potter and the Charlatan’s Stone
6. Harry Potter and the Odor of Phoenix (with Judge Arpaio)
5. Harry Potter and the Deathly Spell-Checker
4. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Russian Secrets
3. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of His Own Ego
2. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. You Know the Gaudy Gold Goblet That is the Greatest Goblet Ever Crafted. And Was Made in China.

and

1. Harry Potter and the Half-Brained Prince

Silver Lining, Day 299

The President is our Dorito-in-Chief, in part due to his nacho cheesy hue, in part due to his tweets that often sound like they were composed by an inanimate triangular snack. In trying to keep pace with the popularity of our Top Ten theme, here’s a list of top rejected Doritos flavor ideas for the Trump Era. If you don't think these are any good, please remember, I said they were rejected.

10. Honey Barbeputin
9. Hypocrisea Salt
8. Potato and Wiki-Leeks
7. Toasted Scorn
6. Half-baked Tangerine
5. Smoked Paprika Perry
4. Hidden Agenda Ranch
3. Sexual Assault & Pepper
2. Sour Cream and Kim Jong Onion

and

1. White Supremacist Cheddar

Silver Lining, Day 298

Ten More Rejected Children's Book Titles for the Trump Era (Part 3):

10. Where the Wild Russian Things Are

9. Miss Melania is Missing (or Is She Just Hiding?)

8. The Wonderful Wizard of Benghazi

7. Amelia Bad Deal-ia

6. The Phantom Email Server

5. Tales of a Fourth Grade President

4. Are You My Mother Russia?

3. Don’t Let the Narcissist Drive the Bus!

2. Cabinet Positions for Sale

and

1. CorduRoy Moore, The Sexual Predator Bear

Silver Lining, Day 297

Ten Rejected Remakes of Beatles Songs for the Trump Era (Part 1):

10. Happiness is a Warm Assault Weapon

9. You’ve Got to Hide Your Facts Away

8. Come Together (Just Kidding)

7. Can’t Buy Me Love (But Can Buy Me an Election)

6. Lady Melania

5. Ob-la-di, Ob-la-dasvidaniya

4. I Get by With a Little Help From Fox and Friends

3. Eight Tweets an Hour

2. I Want to Hold Your Pussy

and

1. While My Evangelical Base Gently Weeps

Silver Lining, Day 296

Ten More Rejected Childrens' Book Updates for the Trump Era:

10. Goodnight Goon

9. The Giving to the 1% Tree

8. We’re Going on an Email Hunt

7. Where the Democracy Ends

6. The Little Engine That Couldn’t Because ACA Subsidies Were Eliminated by Executive Order

5. Horton Hatches a Liberal Conspiracy Theory

4. Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel Are Still Unemployed

3. Donald's Web ... of Lies

2. If You Give Fox News a Cookie (They’ll Say It’s a Cake)

and

1. Donald and the Giant Impeachment

Silver Lining, Day 295

Top Ten Rejected Childrens' Book Updates for the Trump Era (Part 1):

10. Green Eggs and Ham and Coal

9. The Story of Babar, the Little Elephant, Who Was Killed By Eric and Don Jr. on Safari

8. The Runaway Bunny was Deported Because He was Born in Iran

7. The Berenstain Bears Go to School (and Are Bullied by Alt-Right Neo-Nazis)

6. Harry the Dirty Dog Didn’t Work on the Trump Campaign. Really, He Didn’t.

5. Oh, the Places You’ll Go (That You Never Knew Existed – Like Guam!)

4. Donald and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Hairpiece

3. Make Way for Ducklings (So They Can Grow Up to Be Ducks and We Can Kill Them With Assault Rifles and Bump Stocks)

2. The Cat in the Hat, Part 2; Grab That Pussy!

and

1. Everyone Poops. And When the President Does, He Tweets!

Silver Lining, Day 294

If you like Hillary Clinton, then add FoxNews.com to your bookmarks. They talk about her more than a lovelorn teen pines for someone who dumped them. Such unrequited adoration! Donald could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody (since it's so easy for the mentally ill to get guns) and they'd be too busy rutting around Hillary's trash like truffle-snorting hogs to actually notice.

Silver Lining, Day 293

There are more white rhinoceros in the world than there are Trumps.

Silver Lining, Day 292

Silver Lining, Day 291

My family and I are less likely to be killed by tax cuts than guns, so thanks to Trump and the GOP for their priorities!

Silver Lining, Day 290

Marathoners who imagine Trump is chasing them finish with faster times.

Silver Lining, Day 289

Silver Lining, Day 288

Hoping someone tells Donny not to take a rock off the island. Because you know he will. And then...

Silver Lining, Day 287

After 286 silver linings, you get a little constipated.

Silver Lining, Day 286

Some day, hopefully sooner rather than later, Trump will be nothing more than an answer to an annoying trivia question.