Silver Lining, Day 1075

My New Year's Resolution for 2020 is to lose 243 pounds on the "No Tangerine Diet."

Silver Lining, Day 1074

Tomorrow night when the ball drops, just be glad you won't be kissing Mitch McConnell. A secretary of transportation tells me that his lips taste like Golden Ass.

Silver Lining, Day 1071

Trump and conservatives are making a huge deal out of the Canadian Broadcasting Company cutting the orange turd's cameo out of a recent broadcast of Home Alone 2. Because, you know, THAT'S what's important. The good news is that the Rotten Tomatoes score for the new version jumped 10 percentage points.

Silver Lining, Day 1070

I have it on good authority that Santa put this in Donald Trump's stocking.

Silver Lining, Day 1069

We're also saying you're impeached, Donald, thanks to you.

Silver Lining, Day 1068

Jedi mind trick - These are not the hemorrhoids you're looking for.

Silver Lining, Day 1067

Donald Trump doesn't care what you think about Rise of Skywalker. He stopped being interested when he learned it wasn't a dirty movie.

Silver Lining, Day 1066

I want to apologize to anyone I may have offended with yesterday's silver lining (If a tree falls in the forest, can it please land on Mitch McConnell?). Under no circumstances do I want anything bad to happen to a tree.

Silver Lining, Day 1065

Silver Lining, Day 1064

If the House didn't impeach, the GOP wouldn't be congratulating Democrats for doing the right thing, they'd be making fun of them for being spineless cowards and not standing up to the Apricot Grinch. That's one less gift the Republican party gets to unwrap this holiday season. #LumpOfCoal

Silver Lining, Day 1063

Republicans aren't mad that Trump is impeached. They're mad that Congressional Democrats finally grew some balls and stood up to the Dotard-in-Chief.

Silver Lining, Day 1062

Donald disappointed to learn that the Mandalorian isn't a documentary about "that guy who invented the Back to the Future car."

Silver Lining, Day 1061

All I want for Hanukkah this year is some really good antibiotics to wipe out America's Mitch infection.

Silver Lining, Day 1060

A little Oingo Boingo in Trump's bizzaro brain....

I, I, I, hate little girls
They make me feel so dumb
I hate little girls
Especially Scandinavian ones

When they're around
They make me feel
Like I'm the biggest baby in town

I hate little girls
They don't like when I cyberbully them

They call me out as a repugnant liar
They're not frightened by my tangerine fire

All they do is, ask hard questions
All they do is, run away from me
All they do is, know the answers
I can't comprehend how they're all smarter than me

Isn't this creepy?
Isn't this what my presidency's all about?
Isn't this a nightmare come true?
Isn't this your nightmare, too?

Oh, oh, oh I hate little girls
They make me feel obtuse (look it up)
I hate, little girls
Especially ones named Greta

When they're Persons, of the Year,
They make me feel
Like I'm the only liar in town

I hate, little girls
They make me feel so, simple-minded

They don't care about my prevarications
They think Moscow Mitch is
An abomination
And Lindsey Graham, too.

Oh, oh, oh I hate little girls
They make me feel like
A lesser version
Of Boris Johnson

I hate, little girls
And I hate the Constitution too

Unless you worship me
And don't disagree with me
I will also hate you too.

I hate.

Silver Lining, Day 1059

Amazingly, not a lot of Robert Palmer's lyrics were changed here....

Fox News is on, and you’re at home
Your mind is not your own
Your heart sweats, your body shakes
Another tweet is what it takes

You can't sleep, you can't think
There's no doubt, you're in deep
The truth and facts, you can't believe
Another tweet is all you need

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It's the opposite of truth and you can't get enough
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to Trump

You ignore the facts, you can’t believe
You're running at a different speed
Your heart beats in double time
Another tweet and you'll be mine, a one track mind

You can't be saved
Oblivion is all you crave
If there's some left for you
You don't mind if you do

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It's the opposite of truth and you can't get enough
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to Trump

Might as well face it, you're addicted to Trump
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Trump
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Trump
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Trump
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Trump

Fox News is on, and you're at home
Your will is not your own
You're heart sweats and teeth grind
Another tweet and you'll be mine

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It's the opposite of truth and you can't get enough
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to Trump

Might as well face it, you're addicted to Trump
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Trump
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Trump
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Trump
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Trump

Silver Lining, Day 1058

'Tis the Treason

Silver Lining, Day 1057

I am standing under an umbrella in Boro Park on my cell phone at 10:20 pm on Shabbat. I'm as rare as a Republican Congressman with courage and decency.

Silver Lining, Day 1056

That warm, yet unwarranted, feeling of self-importance.

Silver Lining, Day 1055

All of this.

Silver Lining, Day 1054

In Honor of Emily Dickinson's birthday today:

Because I could not stop for Truth –

He kindly stopped for me –

The Carriage held but just Ourselves –

And Accountability.

We slowly drove – He knew no haste

And I had put away

My cell phone and my Twitter too,

For His Civility –

We passed the Senate, where Children strove

At Congress – in the Ring –

We passed the Fox News Killing Grounds –

We passed my Rotting Sons –

Or rather – He passed Us –

The News drew quivering and Chill –

For only Giuliani, my Clown –

My Liar – only Foole –

We paused before a House that seemed

A Swelling of the Ground –

The Roof was scarcely risible –

The Courage – in the Ground –

Since then – 'tis Centuries – and yet

Feels shorter than the Day

I first heard articles of ‘peachment

Read toward My Infamy –

Silver Lining, Day 1053

Silver Lining, Day 1051

Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, Donald Trump Edition

6. Donald was in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York with Daniel Stern. Daniel Stern was in Starting Over with Kevin Bacon.

5. Kevin Bacon was in The River Wild with Meryl Streep. Meryl does a mean Donald Trump impersonation.

4. Donald and Devin Nunes and Rudy Giuliani are in the upcoming sequel, Human Centipede, Ukraine Edition. Rudy was in Anger Management with Jack Nicholson. Jack Nicholson was in A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon.

3. Donald asked Russia to interfere in the 2016 election. Kevin Bacon voted in the 2016 election.

2. Kevin Bacon was in St. Elmo’s Fire with Ally Sheedy in 1985. Ally Sheedy was in Season 2, Episode 5 of the Showtime series SMILF in 2019. Stormy Daniels had a role in the same episode. Donald was inside Stormy Daniels.

1. Donald Trump has his head so far up Vladimir Putin’s ass, he found an old VHS copy of Footloose.

Silver Lining, Day 1050

I'm thinking of mining the litter box, putting the turds in little glass boxes, and selling authentic Donald baby shit in front of Trump Tower to MAGA hat-wearing rubes for $20 a pop. #SharkTankHereICome #LittleHandsLittleShit

Silver Lining, Day 1049

Ten Nicholas Cage movies being remade for the Trump era....

10. Fast Times at Dipshit High

9. Peggy Sue Got Cheated On

8. Goonstruck

7. Snake Oil Eyes

6. 8mm Hands

5. Breaking Windtalkers

4. Captain Giuliani's Mandolyin

3. Two-Faced/Off

2. White Nationalist Treasure

 and

1. ConMan Air

Silver Lining, Day 1048

Belinda Carlisle, re-imagined....

Ooh, Trumpy, do you know what he’s worth?
Ooh, Devin is the scum of the earth
They say in Devin, Trump comes first
We'll all make Devin fight Colin Firth
Ooh, Devin is the scum of the earth

When the Right falls down
I wait for him and he comes around
And the world's alive with the sound
Of self-righteous hypocrisy

When he walks into the room
My lunch comes up and my bowels move
And the world start spinning with the traitors above
And he lifts me up in a wave of barf

Ooh, he’ll try and sue me for all that I’m worth
Ooh, Devin is the scum of the earth
They say in Nunes, Trump comes first
He kinda looks like an afterbirth

Ooh, Devin is the scum of the earth
When Don feel alone, he reaches for Dev
And he feels his bloated heart start to rev
When Donnie’s lost he hears his voice
And Trump says he's the sycophantic choice!

In this world we're just beginning
To understand the traitor is unforgiving
Devvie, I was afraid before
But I'm not afraid anymore

Ooh, he’ll try and sue me for all that I’m worth
Ooh, Devin is the scum of the earth
He’s suing CNN, and a cow, which is worse?
He enters a room, and sucks out all the mirth

Ooh, Devin is the scum of the earth
In this world we're understanding
Your bombastic nonsensical grandstanding
Devvie, I was afraid before
But I'm not afraid anymore

Ooh, he’ll try and sue us for all that we’re worth
Ooh, Devin is the scum of the earth
He’s putting Trump before country, he’s such a jerk
He gets whiplash whenever Donnie twerks
Ooh, Devin is the scum of the earth

Ooh, Devin is the scum of the earth
Thanks, First Amendment, for allowing me this mirth
Ooh, Devin I regret your birth
Ooh, Devin why don't you run away to Perth?
Ooh, Devin, go embrace Trump's girth
Ooh, don't try and sue me for all that I'm worth
Even though you are the scum of the earth

Ooh, Baby, he's the scum of the earth

Silver Lining, Day 1047

When Boris Johnson isn't the biggest lunatic in the room.

Silver Lining, Day 1046

For Cyber Monday, Donald bought the board game Clue on Amazon. Even after it gets delivered, I think he'll still be Clue-less.

Silver Lining, Day 1045

Twenty-four days until Donald is heard proclaiming, "Melania, what am I going to do with all this coal?!?"

Silver Lining, Day 1044

Donald's real ten-year challenge....

Silver Lining, Day 1043

Yesterday I was thankful Donnie left the country. Today I'm pissed he came back.

Silver Lining, Day 1042

Silver Lining, Day 1041

Donald's favorite seafood dish is Squid Pro Quo.

Silver Lining, Day 1040

In honor of Tina Turner's birthday...

You must understand, the thought of his tiny hands
Makes my pulse react
That it makes me so ill he's deceiving the world
Hypocrites attract
It's physical
Pathological
You can't even ignore that it means more than that oooo

What's Trump got to do, got to do with it
What's Trump but an inconvenient notion
What's Trump got to do, got to do with it
Who needs the truth when the facts are so broken

It may seem to you that I'm acting repulsed
When you're close to me
If I look a bit bemused I heard on Fox News
You're a deity
Who's to blame for it
There's a phrase that fits
But whatever the treason
He's giving America the shits ooo

What's Trump got to do, got to do with it
What's Trump but treasonous self-promotion
What's a Lie got to to do, got to do with it
Who needs the facts when Hannity has spoken

I've been taking on a misdirection
But I have to say
I've been thinking about the Constitution
It scares me to see it trashed this way oh oh oh

What's Truth got to do, got to do with it
What's Truth but a Lindsay Graham aberration
What's Truth got to do, got to do with it
Who needs the Truth when facts are verboten

What's Trump got to do, got to do with it
What's Trump but a tweeting orange deviation
What's Trump got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a vote when an election can be stolen

What's Truth got to do, got to do with it
What's Truth but a bleeding noble notion
What's Trump got to do, got to do with it
Who needs the Truth when our country is broken

(What's Truth)

Silver Lining, Day 1039

Trump not pardoning a turkey this year because he's already given Erdoğan enough.

Silver Lining, Day 1038

If you could put all of the President's lies in a Piñata, you'd have an even bigger ass than the one in the Oval Office.

Silver Lining, Day 1037

Recently, Leon Cohen noticed my day count was off. On Thursday, I posted it was day 1044, but it was really day 1035. So we haven't suffered as long as we thought we had. #ItsTheSmallThings #LikeHisHands #AndHisBrain

Silver Lining, Day 1035

This photo I took in 2007 in Coney Island perfectly encapsulates the current Republican leadership. They're basically walking around aimlessly supporting a huge useless dick.

Silver Lining, Day 1034

New Offerings from the Trump Brewpub! Impeachment Specials!

Devin Nunes Barley Whine

This strong ale tastes a lot like sour grapes, but it is classified as a beer, due to its gnarly barley notes. Popular among suck-ups and sycophants, this brew will make you feel taller and more infatuated with the sound of your own voice. Disclaimer: too much of this may make you want to sue a fake cow on Twitter.

Sondland Session IPA

This basic brew doesn't pack the punch of your stronger IPAs, but it will certainly make you sit up and take notice. Has the unique trait of instilling a knowledge of Latin upon its imbiber, like "Quid Pro Quo" and "Et tu, Trumpe?"

Giuliani Bitter

Once revered as a stand-up brew, this amber pale ale will destroy your reputation, cause you to blabber incoherently, force you to butt-dial the media, and give you a strange aversion to garlic and sunlight. Too many of these beers will drive a stake through your shrinking heart.

Hypocri-saison

This carbonated, fruity and seasoned quaff will have you scratching your head and wondering, if a Democrat had done this, would we still need foreign oil? The answer, of course, is no, as we would be able to power the nation on the self-righteous rage of Republicans for at least a generation. It tastes okay, but then again, that's only if Fox News tells you it does, right?

Silver Lining, Day 1033

I've got to hand it to Devin Nunes, he really enunciates well for someone with his own head up his ass.

Silver Lining, Day 1032

This is your brain on Trump.

Silver Lining, Day 1031

Holiday Gift Idea... perfect if you want to screw your country.

Silver Lining, Day 1029

White House staff have requested all the mirrors be covered in the building's restrooms because they can hardly stand to look at their own soulless reflections.

Silver Lining, Day 1028

Ten Paul Simon songs repurposed for the Donald...

10. Gracelessland

9. 50 Ways to Deceive Your Country

8. Me and Vladimir Down by the Schoolyard

7. Obstructor and Child Reunion

6. Still Crazy After All These Jeers

5. The Man-boy in the Bubble

4. Betrayed in the Evening

3. One-Trick Phony

2. You Can Call Me Aliar

 And

1. Quid Pro Quodachrome

Silver Lining, Day 1027

Colin Kaepernick has not withheld any foreign aid from other countries in an attempt to get dirt on Tom Brady.

Silver Lining, Day 1026

You're not allowed to claim veteran status if you survive a witch hunt.

Silver Lining, Day 1025

Thank you Veterans and those still serving. My wish for you all is a commander-in-chief truly worthy of your service and sacrifice.

Silver Lining, Day 1024

NYC street art.....

Silver Lining, Day 1023

Holiday Shopping Idea for the person who likes a big ass.

Silver Lining, Day 1022

Iceland keeps telling Canada to stop farting.

Silver Lining, Day 1021

Donald Trump Jr and Eric Trump are cautionary tales. Gold lead paint on cribs is a bad idea.

Silver Lining, Day 1020

We need some serious Dramamine.... the country is Hypocrisy-sick.

Silver Lining, Day 1019

This bodega cat would be a better president than our current embarrassment. He is bilingual, doesn't disrupt sporting events, doesn't waste his time tweeting out bullshit conspiracy theories, doesn't rely on foreign powers to find mice for him, and he is so cool, it hurts.

Silver Lining, Day 1018

Donald doesn't discriminate. Not only is he divorced from his first two wives, he is also divorced from reality.

Silver Lining, Day 1016

Alligators all over the Sunshine State are rushing to get their vaccinations now that there are going to be more Trumps running around.

Silver Lining, Day 1015

Donald falsely assumes that Florida doesn't have an extradition treaty with New York.

Silver Lining, Day 1014

Donald dressed up for Halloween as a President with a Conscience. He had to change after Mitch McConnell shit himself in fear, and you can still hear Lindsay Graham's banshee wail up and down the Eastern seaboard.

Silver Lining, Day 1013

Trump is so cocky, he already booked the following "cover" bands for his 2021 inaugural ball..... 

Impeaches & Herb

Errorsmith

The Boors

Donald in Chains

Styble Gynyus

Nine Inch Fails

Lindsey Graham Parsons Project

The Four Flops

Numbskullica

The Tyrds

And

Buffoon 5

Silver Lining, Day 1012

The Swamp is like, "Ugh, get this disgusting thing out of me already!"

Silver Lining, Day 1011

A lot of foul balls at the ballgame last night. #SackTrumpsSack

Silver Lining, Day 1010

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi had dirt on Hunter Biden AND Hillary's emails. #TooSoon

Silver Lining, Day 1009

As far as we know, unlike Rudy Giuliani, Donald hasn't butt-dialed anyone lately. If he has, I would love to see how he pins it on Obama, Hillary's emails, and/or the failing New York Times.

Silver Lining, Day 1008

For every Silver Lining, there's someone driving one of these. At least it's red so you can see it coming!

Silver Lining, Day 1007

If a traitor falls in a forest, does it make a sound? No, but it tweets like a canary.

Silver Lining, Day 1006

Kudos to the United Nations for successfully getting the Trump smell out of the General Assembly chamber.

Silver Lining, Day 1005

Donald Trump is the subway churro of presidents. Fellow New Yorkers, please elaborate in the comments below.

Silver Lining, Day 1004

This isn't funny. I'm just predicting a wild week.

Silver Lining, Day 1003

Trump resort no longer hosting G-7 summit next year. Looking to relocate it to San Quentin.

Silver Lining, Day 1002

Three more offerings from the Brewpub.....

BRIAN KILMEADE MEAD

When the going gets tough, curl up with Fox and Friends & suck up this honeyed concoction that will flatter you with its vacuous taste. This fermented blend of honey and spice will kiss your ass while licking your taste buds.

BREITBART ALT-RIGHT-BIER

This top-fermented German brew packs a wallop with an almost illegal level of anti-Semitism. Have more than one and you’ll be spouting conspiracy theories and raving about the Deep State. Pairs well with treif and Sean Hannity.

PELOSI PILSNER

This bright golden beer is deceptively strong. Sure, you think you're man enough to handle it, but this strong blend of hops will make you regret underestimating the punch this beer packs. If you're a lightweight president, this shit will fuck you up.

Silver Lining, Day 1001

I can only assume this is okay because he won't be president next year.

Silver Lining, Day 1000

 A Song for this momentous occasion...

You eats burders
Covfefe and dreams
How to be brave
How can I hope when I'm afraid of your Wall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt, suddenly slips away somehow

One day closer

I have prayed everyday, waiting for you
Dotard, to go away, I have suffered for a thousand days
Thank the lord there’s not a thousand more

Truth stands still
Lies are all you are
I will be brave
I will not let Fox, take away
What's standing in front of me
Reality, every tweet has come to this

One day closer

I have prayed everyday, waiting for you
Liar, to go away, I have suffered for a thousand days
I won’t bear you for a thousand more
And all along I believed, I would outlast you
Time has brought your dark heart to me, I have mourned you for a thousand days
I'll despise you forever more

One day closer
One day closer

I have prayed everyday, waiting for you
Schmuck, go away, we have braved you for a thousand days
Thank God there won’t be a thousand more

And all along you deceived, I would berate you
Time has brought impeachment here, I have loathed you for a thousand days

No, there won’t be a thousand more

Silver Lining, Day 999

Donald as a GIF.

Silver Lining, Day 998

Three more offerings from the Trump brewpub, all great options for debate-viewing!

Vlad Ain’t Bad Russian Imperial Stout

This dark, thick sludgy stout was aged in discarded Stolichnaya bottles. Crafted by shirtless humorless Muscovites, this brew will not only help you win an election, but will also have you wondering the next day if incontinent hookers contributed to your hangover.

Too Bad She’s My Daughter Blonde Ale

You’ll want a Silkwood shower after a glass of this beer. Boasting a fine bouquet of bleach, backed with notes of brisket and condescension. The Donald himself doesn’t partake in spirits but he has said, “If I did drink, I’d drink the hell out of this brew!”

Where the Hell is Belgium Tripel

This strong pale ale is brewed somewhere in Europe, in one of those countries that has a lot of unpronouncable city names. This deep golden beverage will have you wondering why some people love Brussels sprouts, and why some people hate them. Pairs wells with Brussels sprouts and geographical ignorance.

Silver Lining, Day 997

Three more offerings at the Trump brewpub....

No Collusion Kölsch

This German-style brew, fermented with ale yeast, and then finished with lagering, was specially adapted for the Trump Brewpub. We only serve this to customers asking for something else. Want a wine spritzer? Here’s a No Collusion Kölsch! Want a shot of whiskey? Here’s a No Collusion Kölsch! Want to know where the restroom is? Here’s a No Collusion Kölsch. It doesn’t matter what you say! We’ll deflect and distract with the crisp ale that resonates of tiki torches and very fine people.

Red Hat Oktoberfisticuffs

Resonant of traditional Bavarian märzen-style lagers, this special blend is the only beer sold at Trump rallies in the fall. Red dye added to mimic a liquid form of a Make America Great Again hat. The maltiness is enhanced by a dash of Four Loko that inspires people who have imbibed this brew to physically assault anyone who disagrees with the idea of an infallible fearless leader.

Truth Dodger Lager

This crisp, golden ale is as pure as a grand dragon’s robes. Special ingredient (greed laced with Trump DNA molecules) has a curious yet pleasing effect of making anyone who drinks this incapable of telling the truth. An homage to our illustrious prevaricator, have a pint of this “anti” truth serum, and you will be raving about the lamestream media in no time.

Silver Lining, Day 996

Inspired by a suggestion from friend Erik Thorell, I am proud to announce the opening of the TRUMP brewpub.

These are our first three offerings:

TRAISON Saison 

 Aged in barrels manufactured from trees illegally cleared to make room for a border wall, this saison is blended with cowardice and deviousness, with a mixture of treasonous yeasts and racist hops. 

MAGA DE-PORTER

Brewed with Folger’s crystals and vanilla beans, this dark roasty brew has a blend of Hershey’s Chocolate malt and Wheaties. Ingredients only from ‘Murica, with a specially-harvested xenophobia that will make your foreign friends scrunch up their noses and say “What is this shit?”

GOSE FUCK YOURSELF

This gose (pronounced Go-Suh) sour specialty brew is guaranteed to make you pucker up and close your mind even further. Charged with tangerine zest and lots of heterosexual fruit, this refreshing concoction will enable you to more easily ignore facts, embrace fascism, and lose friends at an alarming rate. Pairs well with bloody steak.

Stay tuned for more offerings from our very fine brewers....

Silver Lining, Day 995

Donald is the Broken Door President. 

Unhinged.

Silver Lining, Day 994

Sing like a canary, Rudy Guliandrews.

Silver Lining, Day 993

Tired of hearing negative shit about the president? Head over to Fox News.con and play the "Where the heck is the Impeachment news?" game. When in a constitutional crisis, best to shine the brightest light on NBC and how they "botched" the Matt Lauer case. Priorities, people!

Silver Lining, Day 992

I asked the Lord to forgive Donald's sins for Yom Kippur but I got a text back saying they were still working on his transgressions from 2016.

Silver Lining, Day 990

Someone needs to have his great and unmatched wisdom teeth removed.

Silver Lining, Day 989

Donald bans Snow White from the White House theater. Too many whistle-blowers.

Silver Lining, Day 988

Who needs to see the Joker when we've been dealing with one for almost a thousand days?

Silver Lining, Day 987

I'm loving the pumpkin spice treason.

Silver Lining, Day 986

A little Trumpy Cypress Hill reboot....

Who you tryin' ta mess with Joe?
Don't you know I'm uber loco?
I’ll soon be on the lam
Boy presidentin’s tough
I just toss that covfefe in the fryin' pan
Like spam
It's done when I come tweetin
Slam
Damn, I feel like the Son of Fred
Don't make me wrek ya scootin’
Automatic got me goin' like Vladimir Putin
Damn
The lights are blinking I'm never thinking
It's all over presidency is sinking
Oh
Makin' my mind slow,
That's why I don't fuck wit da facts, uh-oh
Bro
I got ta' mansplain
'Cause a chump like me is goin' insane

Insane in the membrane
Insane in the brain!
Insane in the Ukraine
Insane in the brain!

Do my shit undercover
Now it's time for the liar
Blabber
To watch dat head get fatter
Fat boy on a reality diet
Don't try it, Congress
I'll check your ass like Billy Bush in a pussy riot
Much too fast like a sumo slammin' dat ass
Leavin' your laws in the grass
You know
I don't take impeachment
Neatly
Schiff just jealous 'cause he can't out-tweet me
So kick that style, wicked
Wild
Happy face Pelosi never seen me smile
Whip dat timeframe
I'll explain
A dotard like me is goin' insane

Insane in the membrane
Insane in the brain!
Insane in the Ukraine
Insane in the brain!

Like Louie Armstrong
Play the trumpet, I'll hit dat button
And nuke ya off somethin' soon
I got ta get my chops
Pops
Come and try ta' fact-check me Fox
CNN and MSNBC, want to blow my housa cards down
I’m an orange ass clown
Burnin DC to the ground
They get wise when they hear my lies
And I'm all over shit like the lord of flies
Yes I'm the Liar in Chief
Can’t be brief
Running the ship of state into the reef
Hide from the truth like a treacherous queen
Now do you believe in the unseen
Look
But don't make ya' eyes strain

A POTUS like me is goin' insane

Insane in the membrane
Insane in the brain!
Insane in the membrane
Insane in the Ukraine!

Silver Lining, Day 985

Whenever Trump travels, if he can't stay at one of his own hotels, he prefers the Four Treasons.

Silver Lining, Day 984

 I am re-posting this, with a few revisions, from Day 598:

On Rosh Hashanah it is inscribed,

And on Yom Kippur it is sealed.

How many shall pass away and how many shall be born,

Who shall live and who shall die,

Who shall reach the end of his days and who shall not,

Who shall speak facts and who shall speak alternate facts,

Who shall be a bully, and who shall rise above the bullying,

Who shall do what is right, and who shall do what is needed to get re-elected,

Who shall endlessly tweet indiscriminately and who shall think,

Who shall be the exemplar of narcissism and who shall be humble,

Who shall be loyal to their country and who shall be loyal only to wallets,

Who shall uphold the Constitution and who shall treat it like a roll of knock-off Charmin,

Who shall rise higher and who shall fall lower,

Who shall stoke the flames of fear, mistrust, and bigotry, and who shall nourish love, partnership and community,

Who shall continue to divide us, and who shall seek to unite us,

Who shall remain, and who shall be impeached,

Who shall show courage in the Senate, and who shall embrace Cowardice,

Who shall be the clouds, and who shall be the silver linings,

On Rosh Hashanah it is inscribed and on Yom Kippur it is sealed.

Amen.

Silver Lining, Day 983

Preach, frog!

Why are there so many
Songs about treason
who's aiding and abetting the other side
Don has a vision
That’s all a perversion
And his hairpiece has nothing to hide
So Fox has reported and some chose to
Believe it
But I know they're wrong, wait and see

Someday we'll find it
The Ukraine Connection
The traitors, the cheaters and DT

Who said that every wish
Would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning tsar
Somebody bought that
And someone deceived it
And look what it's done to us so far
What's so amazing
That keeps the sheep gazing
What so we think we might see

Someday we'll find it
The Ukraine Connection
The traitors, the cheaters and Donnie

Have you been fast asleep
And have you heard voices,
He’s heard them chanting his name,
Is this the sweet sound that calls
The young racists,
The voice might be one and the same.
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
It's something that he’s supposed to be,

Someday we'll find it
The Ukraine Connection
The traitors, the cheaters and Trump-pee

La lala lie lala lie lie lie lala lie lie lie

Silver Lining, Day 982

Silver Lining, Day 981

Styx is renaming their classic album after Donnie and his followers - The Grand Delusion.

Silver Lining, Day 980

Overheard on Wednesday at the Kushner house - "Worst National Daughters Day Ever!!"

Silver Lining, Day 979

I think that Tangerine Shitstain is a great name for a superhero.

Silver Lining, Day 978

If you are to believe him, and this is "the Greatest and most Destructive Witch Hunt of all time," then I put forth, in order to truly qualify for that moniker, somebody's going to have to get burned at the stake. #PresidentialBarbeque

Silver Lining, Day 977

"I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and __________ and I wouldn't lose any voters."

The original quote was "shoot somebody, but it could be anything, say, "commit treason," or "shit on the Constitution," and gosh darnit, for once we couldn't accuse him of lying.

Silver Lining, Day 975

Remember folks, he's still mad he never won an Emmy.

Silver Lining, Day 973

Who better to complain about a "political hack job" than a political whack job?

Silver Lining, Day 971

Don likes hostage negotiators. It's how he meets all his wives.

Silver Lining, Day 970

If Donald was an Olympic event, he'd be in one of those equestrian categories, whichever one leaves the most horseshit behind.

Silver Lining, Day 968

Scoop! Meet the new Trump National Security Adviser!

Silver Lining, Day 967

The Very Best People, Donald Trump's former cabinet members.....

Silver Lining, Day 966

So I guess the next mass shooting won't get blamed on vaping?

Silver Lining, Day 964

To truly honor the memories of our fallen heroes, we must, as a country, elect better leaders. Nay, better human beings. I'll just leave this here: “40 Wall Street [The Trump Building] actually was the second-tallest building in downtown Manhattan, and it was actually, before the World Trade Center, was the tallest — and then, when they built the World Trade Center, it became known as the second tallest. And now it’s the tallest.” --Donald Trump, September 11, 2001.

Silver Lining, Day 963

John Bolton now free to coach the Miami Dolphins. Expect a lot of bombs.

Silver Lining, Day 962

Wet your whistle for this Guns 'n Roses cover....

Spread some Fear 'cause I'm dissin' you
The storm is on its way
Girl, I think about Me every day now
Wasn't a time when I wasn't true
And you lapped up lies with ease
There's no doubt I own all of your souls now

Said, "Dorian, take it slow, and it'll work itself out fine"
All we need is just a little Sharpie
Said "Annex Greenland with a swipe of my pen"
All we need is just a little Sharpie (Sharpie)
Mm, yeah

I sit here in the Oval Office
'Cause I'd rather be alone
Can't handle truth so I'll just smile and lie, dear
I get so tense but Fox & Friends calm me down
You know love there's more to life than weather

Said, "Dorian take it slow Alabama will be fine"
You and I will just use a little Sharpie
Draw an umbrella over Melania and she will turn out dry
You and I've got what it takes to fake it
The lie we'll bake it. The truth won't make it
'Cause I'll just break it

Little Sharpie, mm yeah, mm yeah
Need a little Sharpie, yeah
Ultra fine tip Sharpie, yeah
Some more Sharpies, yeah

I've been walkin' to Staples at night
Sharpies to the left and to the right
(A lot of Sharpies, yeah)
Hard to believe they make so many kinds
Chisel-tipped and neon brights
(Could you some Sharpies, yeah)

And the maps don't change but you know I will try
To draw a Wall that is twenty feet high
With my Sharpies
(Gotta have more Sharpies, yeah)
Yeah, yeah, yeah but I need Blue (All need more Sharpies)
Oh, I need me a highlighter too (All need more Sharpies)
Oh I need Two! (Play with my Sharpies)

Oooh this pen (is all I need)

Silver Lining, Day 961

Dongleberries.

Silver Lining, Day 960

Robert Mugabe's passing means Don is inching further up the list.

Silver Lining, Day 959

Disappointed that registration was full for the D.C. Tough Mudder and Spartan runs, Donald reluctantly signed up for the Stable Genius Pussy Grabber Trot.

Silver Lining, Day 958

Thankfully, Donald was wrong about another thing..... Alabama spared destruction from the eruption of Vesuvius.

Silver Lining, Day 957

Make America Use Old-Timey Lightbulbs Again.

Silver Lining, Day 956

Trump's fake news at the green grocer.

Silver Lining, Day 955

The irony of someone who has never worked an *honest* day in his life, tweeting about Labor Day, and praising American workers. We deserve better.

Silver Lining, Day 954

Q: What did the White House say to the Washington Monument?

 A: Does this look infected?

Silver Lining, Day 952

A fine young earworm for your weekend, cannibals!

I can't stop the way I feel
Things he does don't seem real
Tell me when he lost his mind
'Cause we're running out of time
Won't he ever set us free?
Another term would so kill me

He tweets like crazy, like no one else
He drive me crazy, that deviant orange elf

I can't get any rest
People say that I'm obsessed
Everything he says are all fat lies
But to me that's no surprise
I'm running out of funny silver linings
Our collective blood pressure is climbing

He tweets like crazy, like no one else
He drive me crazy, that narcissistic elf

We won't make it on our own
No one should be governing by phone

He tweets like crazy, like no one else
He drive me crazy, that traitorous awful elf.

Silver Lining, Day 951

Of course the White House is pro-methane. All Trump spews are lies and gas.

Silver Lining, Day 950

He's so vain. He probably thinks this post is about him.

Silver Lining, Day 949

I'm thinking of drafting Donald Trump in my fantasy football league, hoping he'll pull an Andrew Luck.

Silver Lining, Day 946

I saw a big white rat in the park today. For a second, I thought I was in the Oval Office.

Silver Lining, Day 945

If we dumped the T from Trump in Boston Harbor, we'd just have a big ugly rump. Oh wait, we already do.

Silver Lining, Day 944

Ten Other Things that Trump Wants to Buy That are Just, Simply, Not for Sale:

10. A brain that doesn't short circuit daily

9. Empathy

8. A t-shirt that reads, "I went to Copenhagen to buy Greenland, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt"

7. A good Coldplay album

6. Boris Johnson's gorgeous head of hair

5. California's 55 electoral votes

4. A Jared Kushner mask (think about it)

3. The silence of strong, determined women in Congress

2. Barack Obama's approval rating

And

1. A soul to replace the one he sold to Russia

Silver Lining, Day 943

Scenes from a Russian Restaurant....

A bottle of fright, a bottle of dread
Perhaps a bottle of lies instead
We'll get a table near K Street
In our old peculiar place

A bottle of dread, a bottle of fright
It all depends on your lack of sight
I'll tweet you any time you want
In our Russian restaurant

Things are great with me these days
Got a great job, got a round office
Got a third wife, got a White life
And the family's fine (except Tiffany)
We lost touch with reality long ago
I gained weight you did not know
I could ever look so great after
So much time

Do you remember those days hanging out
At the Mar-a-Lago
Ill-fitting suits, ill-fitting jackets
And penis-tickling ties
Drop a dime in the box play the
Song about Red Square
Soviet beer, Kremlin lights
My sweet romantic pageant nights

Donnie and Vladdy were the
Popular baddies
And the queen and the king
Of the prom
Riding around with their democracy
Down and the white noise on
Nobody looked any finer
Or was more of a shit at the
Beltway Diner
We never knew we could want more
Than that out of life
Surely Donny and Vladdy would
Always know how to survive

Donny and Vladdy were still going
Steady in the summer of 2016
When they decided to hack Clinton
By the end of July
Everyone said they were crazy
Donny you know you're much too lazy
Vladdy could never afford to live that
Kind of life
But there we were wavin' Donnie and
Vladdy goodbye

They got an apartment with deep
Pile carpet
And a couple of hookers from Minsk
A big waterbed that they bought
With the rubles
They had robbed from a couple
Of banks
They started to fight when the
Election got tight
And they just put their faith in
The trolls

They lived in a while in a
State of denial
But it's always the same in the end
Vlad got on his horse as a matter
Of course
And took off his shirt
For his "friend."
Then the spy and the dunce shut
Their pieholes for once
But you can never go back
There again

Donnie and Vladdy had had it
Already by the summer of two thousand nineteen
From the high to the low to
The Meuller shitshow
For the rest of our lives
They couldn't go back to
The traitors
The best they could do was
Embrace the racists
We always knew they would both
Find a way to get by
That's all I heard about
Donnie and Vladdy
Can't tell you more than I
Told you, so sad we
Are here wavin' Donnie
And Vladdy goodbye

A bottle of dread, a bottle of fright
Whatever kind of mood you're in tonight
I'll tweet you anytime you want
In our Russian Restuarant

Scenes from a Russian Restaurant....

A bottle of fright, a bottle of dread
Perhaps a bottle of lies instead
We'll get a table near K Street
In our old peculiar place

A bottle of dread, a bottle of fright
It all depends on your lack of sight
I'll tweet you any time you want
In our Russian restaurant

Things are great with me these days
Got a great job, got a round office
Got a third wife, got a White life
And the family's fine (except Tiffany)
We lost touch with reality long ago
I gained weight you did not know
I could ever look so great after
So much time

Do you remember those days hanging out
At the Mar-a-Lago
Ill-fitting suits, ill-fitting jackets
And penis-tickling ties
Drop a dime in the box play the
Song about Red Square
Soviet beer, Kremlin lights
My sweet romantic pageant nights

Donnie and Vladdy were the
Popular baddies
And the queen and the king
Of the prom
Riding around with their democracy
Down and the white noise on
Nobody looked any finer
Or was more of a shit at the
Beltway Diner
We never knew we could want more
Than that out of life
Surely Donny and Vladdy would
Always know how to survive

Donny and Vladdy were still going
Steady in the summer of 2016
When they decided to hack Clinton
By the end of July
Everyone said they were crazy
Donny you know you're much too lazy
Vladdy could never afford to live that
Kind of life
But there we were wavin' Donnie and
Vladdy goodbye

They got an apartment with deep
Pile carpet
And a couple of hookers from Minsk
A big waterbed that they bought
With the rubles
They had robbed from a couple
Of banks
They started to fight when the
Election got tight
And they just put their faith in
The trolls

They lived in a while in a
State of denial
But it's always the same in the end
Vlad got on his horse as a matter
Of course
And took off his shirt
For his "friend."
Then the spy and the dunce shut
Their pieholes for once
But you can never go back
There again

Donnie and Vladdy had had it
Already by the summer of two thousand nineteen
From the high to the low to
The Meuller shitshow
For the rest of our lives
They couldn't go back to
The traitors
The best they could do was
Embrace the racists
We always knew they would both
Find a way to get by
That's all I heard about
Donnie and Vladdy
Can't tell you more than I
Told you, so sad we
Are here wavin' Donnie
And Vladdy goodbye

A bottle of dread, a bottle of fright
Whatever kind of mood you're in tonight
I'll tweet you anytime you want
In our Russian Restuarant