Silver Lining, Day 346

At a Passover seder, earlier this year, my cousin Joe incredulously looked at me at genuine surprise when I said I wasn't stopping after 100 silver linings. I wish I could have, but as long as Donald Trump sits in the White House, I am compelled to continue and make light of the fact that this Marigold Hobgoblin is our president.

I wish all of my friends and family, liberal and conservative, a happy 2018, a year in which I hope to stop proclaiming silver linings, but am resigned to the fact that I won't.

If you want to relive any of my silver linings, they are all archived at http://trumpsilverlinings.blogspot.com.

Silver Lining, Day 345

This silver lining went hunting with Dick Cheney and was shot in the face.

Silver Lining, Day 344

Where most people see another inane comment from Trump about weather, I see his wisdom in every frozen puddle of winter sidewalk vomit.

Silver Lining, Day 343

A small silver lining on a giant turd cloud.

Read it here.

Silver Lining, Day 342

No Executive Order can undo this Chanukah Gift!

Silver Lining, Day 341

Overheard on the radio station in my head:

On the 12th day of Christmas, Bob Mueller sent to me

12 Senate seats a-flipping

11 Putins pooting

10 Tweets inflaming

9 Racists racing

8 Haters hating

7 Hackers hacking

6 Grand juries indicting

5 Golden Showers (from Russian prostitutes who we all know existed, but even the mainstream media is like, yeah, even WE don't want to have to imagine that!)

4 Shrieking Omarosas

3 “Million” Illegal Voters

2 Turtles Named McConnell

And

An Impeachment in Two Thousand Eighteeeeen!

Silver Lining, Day 340

People know me so well I got not one, but two, of these. Merry Christmas all!

Silver Lining, Day 339

Just 6 more months until we start hearing about the war on Christmas again. Merry Christmas to all who celebrate and who are not involved in undermining the Affordable Care Act.

Silver Lining, Day 338

Trump single-handedly sustaining the coal industry considering how much Santa needs for his stocking.

Silver Lining, Day 337

Just came up with the perfect holiday gift for the man who gave a huge break to all his wealthy friends while saddling us with crippling deficits. A week of explosive diarrhea! Now just need suggestions on how to give it to him. Plus, I got a 2-for-1 special, so you're in luck, Mitch McConnell!

Silver Lining, Day 336

Donald finally unifying people! In addition to a tax cut for corporations, 128 nations have openly condemned us! Happy Holidays!


Brushing Aside Trump’s Threats, U.N. General Assembly Condemns U.S. Decree on Jerusalem

Silver Lining, Day 335

Repeal and Replace all of a sudden has a pleasant ring to it.

Silver Lining, Day 334

No chance of conflicted feelings stemming from the Super Bowl champion Green Bay Packers visiting the White House and kissing tangerine ass.

Silver Lining, Day 333

It has been a month since we listed Beatles songs remade for the Trump era, so here's another ten.

10. Baby You’re a Rich Man (Let’s Cut Your Taxes)

9. And Your Former Campaign Manager Can Sing

8. Do You Want to Know a Secret (I Have the BEST Secrets)

7. Mean Mr. Mueller

6. Roll Over, Ron Reagan

5. You’re Goring to Lose That Deduction, Girl

4. Strawberry Fields Foreclosure

3. Magical Mystery Manure (feat. Sarah Huckabee Sanders)

2. Lovely Ajit-a

and

1. The Long and Winding Road to Impeachment

Silver Lining, Day 332

When the internet does the work for you. Thanks to my friend Sean for sending me this and saving me the embarrassment of posting my own list.

Silver Lining, Day 331

Article in the "failing" New York Times about how Trump's name is increasingly being used as a racist taunt. So the "U" in U.S.A. is now being used ironically.

Silver Lining, Day 330

Sometimes he doesn't deserve me.

Silver Lining, Day 329

Trump saying he has never met Annette Neutrality, so he couldn't possibly have sexually assaulted her.

Silver Lining, Day 328

I was prepared this morning to wake up and post a list of ten new things that GOP stood for (Gelded Outrageous Penguin-clubbers was my favorite), but the people of Alabama demonstrated that they have more decency than the Harasser-in-Chief and the Gutless Obedient Poseurs who backed Moore. 

But I also got a response from a message I sent to my gerrymandered U.S. Representative Dan Donovan, telling me how great the new tax law is going to be for this country, despite the fact that it won't be. So, silver lining within a silver lining, I may not be able to refer to the GOP as a "Gaggle of Pedophiles," I can still call them "Greedy Old Politicians," or, if you prefer something a bit more colorful, "Grandiose Obnoxious Pricks."

Not Really A Silver Lining, Day 327

PETA protesting in Washington after reports that Donald has head lice. Normally they don't get involved when a pig gets lice, but in this case, they feel it is exceptionally cruel to the lice.

Silver Lining, Day 326

For the millennials in our lives, here are ten Taylor Swift songs (out of 124), repurposed for the Trump Era.

10. “Fifteen (Accusers)”
9. “Beautiful Lies”
8. “You’re Not Sorry (Why Should I Be?)”
7. “How You Get the Girl at the Pageant”
6. “I Know Places (Like Guam)”
5. “Lecherous”
4. "“We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together, Billy Bush”
3. “22 (Accusers)”
2. “You Knew I Was Trouble”

And

1. “I Did Something Vlad”

Silver Lining, Day 325

Trump says a Washington Post reporter should be fired for a misleading tweet about his crowd size over the weekend. That's so rich I won't need dessert for a month!

Silver Lining, Day 324

Gotta hand it to Trump, he inconsequentially helped break the South's cold snap by spewing a lot of hot air in Florida. #HailToTheGasbag

Silver Lining, Day 323

Ten Michael Jackson songs you don't even have to rename for the Trump Era:

10. Leave Me Alone
9. Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'
8. Bad
7. Scream
6. Stranger in Moscow
5. Off the Wall
4. Dangerous
3. State of Shock
2. Smooth Criminal

And

1. Beat It

Silver Lining, Day 322

Holiday gift hack for the Trump fan in your life - save $$ by making your own Donald tree ornament using only a urinal cake, yellow highlighter and a paper clip! Make your tree great again!

Silver Lining, Day 321

Ten things about the Trump GOP tax bill that aren't true but wouldn't be surprising if they were.

10) All election expenses are 100% deductible, as long as they were paid in rubles.
9) Extra 20% tax penalty if your name is Hillary.
8) In Alabama, you can claim your sexual assault accusers as dependents.
7) Tattooing the President's face above your ass crack (Trump Stamp) is fully deductible.
6) If you have a son named Eric, you can no longer claim him as a dependent.
5) Damages to foreign hotel rooms caused by prostitutes are now deemed legitimate business expenses.
4) If you run for public office, you get an additional dollar for every person who voted for your opponent illegally.
3) Residents of states bordering the Pacific Ocean must pay an additional 10% because their very existence is tantalizing Kim Jong Un.
2) If you are fluent in more than one language, you must pay an additional 15% "intellectual elite" penalty.

And

1) Every taxpayer gets a $10,000 Make America Great Again refund, to be paid out yearly, in 25 cent installments.

Silver Lining, Day 320

Good news if you are a pedophile! There's a path to Congress for you! Step 1: Be a pedophile. Step 2: Be a Republican. Step 3: Deny being a pedophile. Step 4: Get presidential and GOP endorsement. Easy Peasy! Is America great again yet?

Silver Lining, Day 319

I created a new drinking game. Every time Trump tells the truth, you drink. Think of the money we'll save on booze!

Silver Lining, Day 318

The Traitor in Chief and his syphilitic GOP Congressional tax plan make my fantasy football woes seem much less traumatic.

Tin Lining, Day 317

If you like thick, steaming, smelly shit sandwiches, you're in luck. The Republican party just served us a huge one.

Silver Lining, Day 316

Ten Gershwin songs re-recorded for the Trump Era:

10. "They Can't Take That Away From Me (Or Maybe They Can)"
9. "But Not for Me (Immunity)"
8. "Nice Work If You Can Abet It"
7. "Someone To Watch Over Me" feat. MC Vlad
6. "I Got Mike Flynn (Who Could Ask for Anything More)"
5. "Indictable You"
4. "I've Got a Crushin' on You"
3. "Strike Up the Grand Jury"
2. "S Impeachable"

And

1. "Let's Call the Whole Thing Treason"

Silver Lining, Day 315

I can say whatever the fuck I want about Donald Trump. It doesn't matter if what I say is real, because the threat is real. Thanks, Sara Huckabee Sanders, for your words.

Silver Lining, Day 314

I will donate $1000 to the charity of your choice to the first person who can stick this sign on Trump's back:

Silver Lining, Day 313

Thanks to my friend Garrett for the idea for Ten Disney films, remade for the Trump Era (part 1). He also gets the assist for numbers 6 and 3:

10, The Emperor’s New Toupee
9. The Recusers
8. Aladdin - Extremely Vetted
7. Beauty and the Tweets
6. Pocahontas (and the Oompa Loompa Who Secretly Loved Her)
5. One Hundred and One People at Your Inauguration
4. Snow White Supremacist and the Seven Trumps
3. Dumbo in the West Wing
2. The Lyin’ King

and

1. Moana and Her "Missing" Birth Certificate

Silver Lining, Day 312

Part Two of James Bond films, in order, remade for the Trump Era:

9. The Spy Who Elected Me
8. Moonraper
7. For Your Thighs Only
6. Octopussygrabber
5. Never Say Never Tweet Again
4. A View to A Hill-ary Email Server
3. Scaring the Living Daylights Out of Everyone
2. License To Kill Anything Obama Ever Touched

and

1. GoldenEye, GoldenDee, GoldenEye, GoldenOh, GoldenTee

Silver Lining, Day 311

I'm trying to train my Amazon Echo to make a fart noise whenever it hears the name "Trump." Alexa is not cooperating.

Silver Lining, Day 310

It's more fun to mock this president than any other president in history. Because you know if he knew you were mocking him, he'd send an angry tweet that would just reinforce what an insufferable insecure ass he is.

Silver Lining, Day 309

The Rolling Stones were feeling left out. Here are ten songs they're re-recording for the Trump Era:

10. The Spicer and the Lie
9. Tumbling Indictments
8. Gimme Tax Shelters
7. It’s Only Fox and Friends (But I Like It)
6. Shattered Ego
5. Paint it White
4. Undercover of the Right
3. Jumpin' Jack Ass
2. Russia’s Little Helper

and

1. Sympathy for the Very Fine People

Silver Lining, Day 308

Executive Order changing the name of Thanksgiving to Thankstaking was scrapped when Donald lost his pen in his hair. Happy Turkey Day Everyone!

Silver Lining, Day 307

I'm in a foul mood. This next list made me feel slightly better. Here are the first ten James Bond films, in order, remade for the Trump Era:

10. Dr. Nyet
9. From Russia With Love (and an Election)
8. Goldasshole
7. ThunderLaVarBall
6. Casino Royale-ly Bankrupt
5. You Only Live Twice, But Get Elected Once
4. On Her Majesty’s Secret Cervix
3. Diamonds Are Forever 21 (14 if You're Roy Moore)
2. Live and Let Dye

and

1. The Man with the Golden Shower Fetish

Silver Lining, Day 306

In a bizarre ceremony, Wishbone, one of the White House turkeys, pardoned Donald Trump. The President was so impressed, he proclaimed Wishbone "the smartest turkey he ever met," and appointed Wishbone the new Secretary of Education, replacing Betsy DeVos.

Silver Lining, Day 305

With Charles Manson dead, there's one less person in the United States we can say is worse than Donald Trump.

Silver Lining, Day 304

If you can't say anything nice about someone, you shouldn't say anything. So, here are ten nice things I like about Donald:

10.
9.
8.
7.
6.
5.
4.
3.
2.

and

1. All of the above

Silver Lining, Day 303

Ten More Beatles Remakes for the Trump Era (part 2):

10. Here Comes the Gun Lobby
9. Molesterday
8. I Should Have Known Better (But I Never Do)
7. Hey Jew (Be More Afraid)
6. I've Just Seen a Racist
5. Everybody’s Got Something to Hide Except for Me and My Family
4. She Said She Said (But Only Believe Her if She’s Accusing a Democrat)
3. The Continuing Story of Bungling Don
2. The Fool on the Capitol Hill

and

1. I Saw Her Standing There and I moved on her like a bitch. But I couldn’t get there. And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she’s now got the big phony tits and everything.

Silver Lining, Day 302

Much has been made of the conservative leanings of the Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend of The Who. Here are fifteen (15!) songs from their catalog they should consider remaking for the Trump presidency.

15. I'm a Goy
14. Squeeze the Middle Class Box
13. Hypocrisy Me, Feel Me
12. Bullshit Wizard
11. Vlad, Reign O'er Me
10. Magic Bust (of Robert E. Lee)
9. Won’t Get Schooled Again (feat. MC DeVos)
8. We’re Not Gonna Repeal It
7. Long Live Fox
6. (I Had No Meeting with) Boris the Spider
5. Behind Blue Lies
4. Comey Can You Hear Me?
3. Meullertime Blues
2. My Degeneration

and

1. The Kids Are Alt-Right

Silver Lining, Day 301

Ten Breakfast Cereals for the Trump Era (part 1):

10. Rice Chex and Balances
9. Raisin Bannon
8. Russian Trix
7. Immigrant Toast Crunch
6. Cap’n KKKrunch
5. Golden Shower Grahams
4. ICE Krispies (Previously known as Susan Rice Krispies and, before that, Condoleeza Rice Krispies)
3. Statuatory Rape Nuts (Legal Only in Alabama)
2. Frosted Mini Tweets

and

1. HoneyComb Over

Silver Lining, Day 300

Ten Rejected J.K. Rowling reboots (in no particular order) for the Trump Era:

10. The Casual Presidency
9. Harry Potter and the Cursed Twitter Account
8. Fantastic Press Secretaries and Where To Find Them
7. Harry Potter and the Charlatan’s Stone
6. Harry Potter and the Odor of Phoenix (with Judge Arpaio)
5. Harry Potter and the Deathly Spell-Checker
4. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Russian Secrets
3. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of His Own Ego
2. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. You Know the Gaudy Gold Goblet That is the Greatest Goblet Ever Crafted. And Was Made in China.

and

1. Harry Potter and the Half-Brained Prince

Silver Lining, Day 299

The President is our Dorito-in-Chief, in part due to his nacho cheesy hue, in part due to his tweets that often sound like they were composed by an inanimate triangular snack. In trying to keep pace with the popularity of our Top Ten theme, here’s a list of top rejected Doritos flavor ideas for the Trump Era. If you don't think these are any good, please remember, I said they were rejected.

10. Honey Barbeputin
9. Hypocrisea Salt
8. Potato and Wiki-Leeks
7. Toasted Scorn
6. Half-baked Tangerine
5. Smoked Paprika Perry
4. Hidden Agenda Ranch
3. Sexual Assault & Pepper
2. Sour Cream and Kim Jong Onion

and

1. White Supremacist Cheddar

Silver Lining, Day 298

Ten More Rejected Children's Book Titles for the Trump Era (Part 3):

10. Where the Wild Russian Things Are

9. Miss Melania is Missing (or Is She Just Hiding?)

8. The Wonderful Wizard of Benghazi

7. Amelia Bad Deal-ia

6. The Phantom Email Server

5. Tales of a Fourth Grade President

4. Are You My Mother Russia?

3. Don’t Let the Narcissist Drive the Bus!

2. Cabinet Positions for Sale

and

1. CorduRoy Moore, The Sexual Predator Bear

Silver Lining, Day 297

Ten Rejected Remakes of Beatles Songs for the Trump Era (Part 1):

10. Happiness is a Warm Assault Weapon

9. You’ve Got to Hide Your Facts Away

8. Come Together (Just Kidding)

7. Can’t Buy Me Love (But Can Buy Me an Election)

6. Lady Melania

5. Ob-la-di, Ob-la-dasvidaniya

4. I Get by With a Little Help From Fox and Friends

3. Eight Tweets an Hour

2. I Want to Hold Your Pussy

and

1. While My Evangelical Base Gently Weeps

Silver Lining, Day 296

Ten More Rejected Childrens' Book Updates for the Trump Era:

10. Goodnight Goon

9. The Giving to the 1% Tree

8. We’re Going on an Email Hunt

7. Where the Democracy Ends

6. The Little Engine That Couldn’t Because ACA Subsidies Were Eliminated by Executive Order

5. Horton Hatches a Liberal Conspiracy Theory

4. Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel Are Still Unemployed

3. Donald's Web ... of Lies

2. If You Give Fox News a Cookie (They’ll Say It’s a Cake)

and

1. Donald and the Giant Impeachment

Silver Lining, Day 295

Top Ten Rejected Childrens' Book Updates for the Trump Era (Part 1):

10. Green Eggs and Ham and Coal

9. The Story of Babar, the Little Elephant, Who Was Killed By Eric and Don Jr. on Safari

8. The Runaway Bunny was Deported Because He was Born in Iran

7. The Berenstain Bears Go to School (and Are Bullied by Alt-Right Neo-Nazis)

6. Harry the Dirty Dog Didn’t Work on the Trump Campaign. Really, He Didn’t.

5. Oh, the Places You’ll Go (That You Never Knew Existed – Like Guam!)

4. Donald and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Hairpiece

3. Make Way for Ducklings (So They Can Grow Up to Be Ducks and We Can Kill Them With Assault Rifles and Bump Stocks)

2. The Cat in the Hat, Part 2; Grab That Pussy!

and

1. Everyone Poops. And When the President Does, He Tweets!

Silver Lining, Day 294

If you like Hillary Clinton, then add FoxNews.com to your bookmarks. They talk about her more than a lovelorn teen pines for someone who dumped them. Such unrequited adoration! Donald could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody (since it's so easy for the mentally ill to get guns) and they'd be too busy rutting around Hillary's trash like truffle-snorting hogs to actually notice.

Silver Lining, Day 293

There are more white rhinoceros in the world than there are Trumps.

Silver Lining, Day 292

Silver Lining, Day 291

My family and I are less likely to be killed by tax cuts than guns, so thanks to Trump and the GOP for their priorities!

Silver Lining, Day 290

Marathoners who imagine Trump is chasing them finish with faster times.

Silver Lining, Day 289

Silver Lining, Day 288

Hoping someone tells Donny not to take a rock off the island. Because you know he will. And then...

Silver Lining, Day 287

After 286 silver linings, you get a little constipated.

Silver Lining, Day 286

Some day, hopefully sooner rather than later, Trump will be nothing more than an answer to an annoying trivia question.

Silver Lining, Day 285

Again, this city and its papers.

Silver LIning, Day 284

World spared Trump's attempt at the black and white photo challenge because Ben Carson was out of town.

Silver Lining, Day 283

The delicious irony of Foxflakes bemoaning our society and our policing of "offensive" (their quotes, not mine) Halloween costumes, while at the same time powering up their indignation machines for the upcoming assault on Christmas since, you know, by saying "Happy Holidays," we, as a society, are somehow denigrating it to something between Arbor Day and Bring Your Hypocrisy to Work Day.

Silver Lining, Day 282

Drinking a lot of tequila makes Sarah Huckabee Sanders sound less like a liar. Only because when you're passed out, you can't hear her.

Silver Lining, Day 281

New York City's homeless bringing their "A" Game.

Silver Lining, Day 280

When General Kelly is bored, he goes to the Oval Office and tells Donald to stand in the corner.

Silver Lining, Day 279

Much is made about the fact that this president does not have a dog. They say a dog makes you more presidential. Truth be told (heh heh), they haven't found a breed dumb enough to not run away.

Silver Lining, Day 278

Hoping Senators Corker and Flake back up their words with action. Criticize Trumpty Dumpty all you want, better to lead the charge to replace him with a decent human being (NOT Pence).

Silver Lining, Day 277

Donald says the silver lining I posted earlier today was a classic. I don't remember writing one, but if the president says I did, it must have happened.

Silver Lining, Day 276

If you shake hands with Donald, all the Purell in the world won't make your hand forgive your brain.

Silver Lining, Day 275

I've been staring at a blank screen trying to come up with a silver lining for over an hour. I've got nothing. But at least I still have my dignity.

Silver Lining, Day 274

Let's bring back the word Hogwash. We can use it like a refrain every time Sarah Huckabee Sanders opens her mouth.

Silver Lining, Day 273

At least I don't live in Antarctica. Penguins may not be dicks to each other like our fellow citizens, but they shit all over the place. Also, I don't care for fish.

Silver Lining, Day 272

My ear wax sculpture of Donald was stolen by burglars, which is just as well - the world is not ready for such amazing art. (Co-written by New Belgium Brewery)

Silver Lining, Day 271

Every time an acorn hits me in the head, which is a lot these days, I think of Trump, because he's a fucking nut.

Silver Lining, Day 270

In celebration of Boss's Day today, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson has promised to never call Donnie a "fucking moron" again.

Silver Lining, Day 269

Please, Green Bay, sign Kapernick, just to piss off the Tangerine Twatwaffle.

Silver lining, Day 268

When Trump says something reasonable on Twitter, it means Baron unlocked his phone. (Thanks to Melanie for the idea here.)

Silver Lining, Day 267

The thousands of people employed by the health exchanges know that, thanks to Trump, we have a great fall back strategy in all those great mining jobs he's bringing back to 'Murica.

Silver Lining, Day 266

Why don't you write an executive order to outlaw silver linings? Asshole.

Silver Lining, Day 265

"North Korea's continued pursuit of nuclear weapons is a path that leads only to more isolation," the president said.

He added, "The commitment that the United States of America has made to the security of the Republic of [South] Korea only grows stronger in the face of aggression ... Our alliance does not waiver with each bout of their attention seeking. It just gains the support of the rest of the world." 

Strong and concise message from POTUS! Better than this:

"We can't have madmen out there shooting rockets all over the place ... This shouldn't be handled now, but I'm gonna handle it because we have to handle it. 'Little Rocket Man.' "

Too bad the first quote was from Obama in 2014. Our Dotard in Chief prefers the language of playgrounds and reality shows to the language of diplomacy.

Where's the silver lining?

Somewhere hidden, in our recollection of once having a leader who spoke intelligently and with the dignity befitting the office of president.

Silver Lining, Day 264

Trump mocks duckbill platypus via Twitter, calls it "the loser of the animal kingdom." When asked to respond, platypus says, "I don't respond to lower forms of intelligence. It's cruel and beneath my office."

Silver Lining, Day 263

Trump unable to find any small pox blankets to give out as traditional Columbus Day gifts.

Silver Lining, Day 262

Driving back from Baltimore, I had a lot of time to reflect and ponder the current state of our nation.

Silver Lining, Day 261

At the Goodwill in Columbia, Maryland, I saw not one, but two copies of Sarah Palin's Going Rogue. Remember the good ol' days when we were worried she could be a heartbeat away from the presidency? Just mull that over for a moment or two....

Silver Lining, Day 260

The Nobel Peace Prize has the added bonus of being one of the few things Rump can't "undo" of the Obama legacy. And it annoys the hell out of Nobamans who think it was totally undeserved.

Silver Lining, Day 259

Trump condemns Sweden after Kazuo Ishiguro wins the Nobel for literature, emphatically declaring: "E.L. James was robbed!"

Silver Lining, Day 258

New standard of allowable deaths (The Katrina Corollary) means fewer catastrophes! Thanks, Donnie!

Silver Lining, Day 257

I saw a discarded Chipotle cup that said, "Every burrito has a silver lining." Being who I am, I immediately thought, "I guess Trump is the Chipotle of presidents. A lot of Americans like him, but he gives the rest of us diarrhea."

Silver Lining, Day 256

Today's Silver Lining was cancelled by the National Rifle Association.

Silver Lining, Day 255

Yankees announced they will be adding more protective netting at the stadium to protect the fans. Next up, the White House.

Silver Lining, Day 254

The White House gift shop just went live with on online registry. So now, if we all chip in, we can buy Donald that sense of human decency he so desperately needs.

Silver Lining, Day 253

It's a good thing that Donald is not Jewish. The concept of atoning for one's sins would likely make his head explode. And no one should have to clean up that mess.

Silver Lining, Day 252

When you are on Wall Street deciding whether to approach someone about their tattoo and, after seeing them take a picture of the Trump Building while flipping the bird, assume it's a good sign. And, after introducing yourself, learn that they are a tourist from England.

Silver Lining, Day 251

Tattoosday just passed four million page views. That's four million more than the number of people who illegally voted for Hillary in the 2016 election!

Silver Lining, Day 250

Repeal scrapped yet again. Government, if you're looking for something productive to do, how about helping our fellow citizens in Puerto Rico? They desperately need Federal help!

Silver Lining, Day 249

Sometimes I leave sarcasm to the professionals.

Silver Lining, Day 248

Tomorrow Trump takes on the Roller Derby.... such nasty women!

Silver Lining, Day 247

When you read the quotes of the president's speech and your wife says, "That's from the Onion, right?" And you say, "No. ESPN."

Just a sample...

"Trump went on to say referees are "ruining the game" by calling 15-yard penalties for "beautiful" tackles. He also said that NFL ratings are down "massively, massively," because people prefer watching him."

Silver Lining, Day 246

When it's 5 minutes to midnight and all you can think is that there is wisdom in the description "a mentally deranged U.S. dotard."

Silver Lining, Day 245

Having a Jewish son-in-law means he no longer makes "Blowing the Chauffeur" jokes.

Silver Lining, Day 244

Happy 5778! May our government find more wisdom in the new year!

Silver Lining, Day 243

At least he didn't take off his shoe and bang it on the lectern.

Silver Lining, Day 242

Once again, the New York City tabloids for the win!

Silver Lining, Day 241

Honory Emmy for Donald "The Apprentice" mysteriously stolen from backstage. Sarah Huckabee Sanders claims that was his plan all along.

Silver Lining, Day 240

Brain-eating zombies overran the White House .... and starved.

Silver Lining, Day 239

Via Geek Culture

Silver Lining, Day 238

Silver Lining, Day 237

I feel for you, Senator Cruz. I once accidentally liked Trump's Facebook page and I felt dirty, too. But I'm guessing in a much different way.

Silver Lining, Day 236

Trump raising money for the Wall by renting out the Lincoln Bedroom. He's even advertising in my neighborhood in Brooklyn!

Silver Lining, Day 235

Silver Lining, Day 234

I'm playing Fantasy Football against Donald and he was too busy betraying the G.O.P. cutting a deal with Pelosi and Schumer, he forgot to bench his Dolphins and Buccaneers.

Silver Lining, Day 233

This is not a Silver Lining in my pants. I'm just happy to see you.

Silver Lining, Day 232

Rush Limbaugh off the air for a couple of days, so, silver lining! Stay safe Floridians!

Silver Lining, Day 231

Now we all can have a presidential breakfast!

Silver Lining, Day 230

Trump learns he has no authority over the World Meteorological Organization, so we don't have to worry about Hurricanes Barack, Rosie O'Donnell, and Private Email Server.

Silver Lining, Day 229

He's unlikely to go to Mar-a-Lago to play golf this weekend.

Silver Lining, Day 228

William and Kate are having another baby. You can have as many babies as you want, you crazy Brits. Ours is still the biggest!

Silver Lining, Day 227

Explorer Amerigo Vespucci was not a nice guy. Doesn't The United States of Lebowski just roll off the tongue?

Silver Lining, Day 226

Rumor that Donald is the new mascot for the Syracuse Orange is fake news. Although it's easy to see why someone might think so.

Silver Lining, Day 225

Make America Great Again hats are very helpful. They help New Yorkers know who to give "alternative directions."

Silver Lining, Day 224

They're moving a dorm at Shayna's college. Who wants to pool resources and help me move the White House when Donny is out of town, just to piss him off?

Silver Lining, Day 223

On a boat with Fishbone! "UGLY" dedicated to "the turd eater in the White House."

Silver Lining, Day 222

Fortunately, no one is blaming Harvey Fierstein.

Silver Lining, Day 221

Hang in there, Houston. You're all in our thoughts and prayers!

Silver Lining, Day 220

Trump to pardon Harvey, because the hurricane was "just doing his job."

Silver Lining, Day 219

Silvery Strings! Your source of silver linings since 1978!

Silver Lining, Day 218

Wishing everyone in Harvey's path safety and no serious damage as they weather the storm. Fortunately, all the hot air in Washington won't make things worse.

Silver Lining, Day 217

With Bannon gone, POTUS has no one to pin his farts on. Or, if you prefer a more mature silver lining: "With Bannon gone, POTUS has no one to pin his racism on."

Silver Lining, Day 216

Trump unable to reanimate corpse of Osama bin Laden. So, Obama gets to keep credit for that, at least.

Silver Lining, Day 215

Chances of Donald winning Powerball jackpot are infinitesimally small. Like his hands.

Silver Lining, Day 214

Trump looked at Eclipse. Pronounced it "Sad!" For once, I agree.

Silver Lining, Day 213

Trump could strangle a bald eagle with his bare hands on the South Lawn, and his supporters would still love him. So, 1248 more silver linings!

Silver Lining, Day 212

CNN reporting that looking directly at the solar eclipse can damage your eyes. What will those fake news charlatans think of next!? Donald, feel free to prove them wrong!

Silver Lining, Day 211

With friends like these, who needs enemas?

Silver Lining, Day 210

As a fan of irony, I love the fact that people protesting the removal of a confederate statue, through their own words and actions of hatred and violence, have raised public consciousness and accelerated the removal of many of these symbols in our country.

Silver Lining, Day 209

The compassionate-sounding Trump of Monday was really just an escapee from the set of HBO's Westworld.

Silver Lining, Day 208

My dream of having a room in my home illuminated solely by tiki torches is over.

Silver Lining, Day 207

One kid is winding up her 21st birthday in London, one kid has a date with Stephen Colbert, Anthony Scaramucci, Bob Odenkirk and Liam Gallagher (Melanie along for the ride), and I have a date with a beer.

Silver Lining, Day 206

Clouds don't have silver linings "on many sides." On the other side of the cloud over our nation is the dark, evil, hatred that has no place in a modern, civilized, society. When Ted Cruz comes off as more genuine than you, Donald, it's time to take a real stand and sacrifice the loyalty of the hate-mongers and racists that helped elect you.

Silver Lining, Day 205

White Nationalists can be terrorists too! Hooray for progress! #HowFarWeHaveCome

Silver Lining, Day 204

Even the Donald can't make me feel bad for Mitch McConnell.

Silver Lining, Day 203

Once again, the Daily News lends me some glorious perspective.

Silver Lining, Day 202

I pray he was confused and talking about Game of Thrones, not North Korea. "...With fire and fury like the world has never seen...".

Silver Lining, Day 201

On a rare, serious note, folks. A daily visit to the Fox News website is a great way to calibrate your world view. It can be frustrating and mind-boggling, yet I have found that doing so helps me understand why so many folks are loyal to (or merely tolerant of) the President and buy into/lend credence to his "Fake News" complaints. Listen, every media outlet is going to have an underlying editorial lean. You choose the news that you want to believe.

Silver Lining, Day 200

To commemorate 200 days in office, Trump is giving every American a free blender. The bad news: they're coal-powered.

Silver Lining, Day 199

If silver linings were bottles of beer, we'd all be drunk.

Silver Lining, Day 198

After only one day on vacation in New Jersey, Trump has called Philadelphians "a bunch of losers," prompting Pennsylvania to mobilize troops on its eastern border. There are further reports that a rowdy scrum of Phillies fans also test-fired a bunch of those NERF rockets in an open act of aggression.

Silver Lining, Day 197

Trump going on vacation. White House being renovated while he's away. They have to change all the locks in case Flynn, Spicer, Priebus or Scaramucci made keys. Also, finally getting around to child-proofing.

Silver Lining, Day 196

Alien invasion thwarted by Donald after he convinces high commander Zorp from planet Querk-221 that, as overlords, they'd have to pay for the wall on the Mexican border. #BestPresidentintheUniverse

Silver Lining, Day 195

Thankful that the wave of liberal violence spawned by The Public's production of Julius Caesar has finally subsided.

Silver Lining, Day 194

Disappointed that Congress couldn't step up and swap for Justin Trudeau before the trade deadline yesterday.

Silver Lining, Day 193

Tattoosday is celebrating ten years. Scaramucci served ten days before being ousted. We won't have the Mooch to kick around anymore, but Tattoosday lives on! #BlatantSelfPromotion #Tattoosday10

Silver Lining, Day 192

Ballast Point tap takeover at your local watering hole with a visiting brother helps me forget who the president is, just for a moment.

Silver Lining, Day 191

Trumpy finally found something that doesn't leak.

Silver Lining, Day 190

Susan Collins, Lisa Murkowski, and John McCain.

Silver Lining, Day 189

At some point he has to go on vacation, right?

Silver Lining, Day 188

I'm now outsourcing silver linings.

Silver Lining, Day 187

Yesterday's Silver Lining was deemed too sensitive and was redacted by the N.S.A. Facebook removed all traces of the post and the few of you who saw it had your homes infiltrated and your memories wiped. A foreign power may have assisted. This breach of protocol was enabled by the Clintons and Obamas and I have been strongly cautioned by government operatives to "be careful" with what I say lest I disparage Dear Leader. This Silver Lining was sponsored by Long John Silver's for less than obvious reasons.

Silver Lining, Day 185

I just belched really loudly and said, "Pardon me." It takes so little to feel presidential these days!

Silver Lining, Day 184

Trump stepped in dog shit on South Lawn. Blamed Bo and sent tomahawks to Lisbon. See, this is what fake news looks like.

Silver Lining, Day 183

I picked the wrong time to get a Sean Spicer tattoo.

Silver Lining, Day 182

With O.J. getting out in October, Donald will have a great backup pick for any unforeseen cabinet vacancies.

Silver Lining, Day 181

Our trivia team name tonight is Ann Coultergeist.

Silver Lining, Day 180 (Part 2)

On the bright side, apparently he can talk to bulldozers.

Silver Lining, Day 180

Marveling at the inability of a "Republican" president with a Republican-controlled Congress to get what he wants and then his blaming the Democrats for obstruction (thanks to eight years of McConnell's shining example) when all he needs is 50 of 52 from his "own" party to agree. Instead of improving a flawed "solution," maybe get off of Twitter and do some actual work. (Snicker.)

Silver Lining, Day 179

Attending a taping of the Daily Show is a great antidote to the toxic cloud seeping outwards from the undrained swamp.

Silver Lining, Day 178

Thankful that our president is less Cersei Lannister and more Viserys Targaryen.

Silver Lining, Day 177

Product o' the Week:

"With his signature hairline and menacing eyes."

Get it here:

Silver Lining, Day 176

An international incident was avoided earlier in Paris this morning when Melania informed Donald that Bastille was NOT a famous French stripper.

Silver Lining, Day 175

25 more silver linings, and I can make a quilt!

Silver Lining, Day 174

McDonald's changing slogan from "I'm Loving It" to "Thanks, but no thanks, Comrade."

Silver Lining, Day 173

Take me to your leader....

Silver Lining, Day 172

So much for creating jobs....

Silver Lining, Day 171

Thank you, Argentina. Thank you, Australia. Thank you, Brazil. Thank you, Canada. Thank you, China. Thank you, France. Thank you, Germany. Thank you, India. Thank you, Indonesia. Thank you, Italy. Thank you, Japan. Thank you, Mexico. Thank you, Russia. Thank you, Saudi Arabia. Thank you, South Africa. Thank you, South Korea. Thank you, Turkey. Thank you, United Kingdom. Thank you, European Union.

Silver Lining, Day 170

Product o' the Week:

Link here.

Silver Lining, Day 169

The other teams in my league are happy that Donald is not making my fantasy baseball team great again.

Silver Lining, Day 168

The fact that I just googled "Polish First Lady." Thank you, Agata Komhauser-Duda, for the smile.

Silver Lining, Day 167

Still relishing this birthday gift from The New York Post:

Silver Lining, Day 166

Happy Birthday, America. I love you, warts and all.

Silver Lining, Day 165

When you're surrounded by amazing friends and family on a landmark birthday, you don't have much time to think about much other than all the love you are receiving.

Silver Lining, Day 164

I thought nothing could be more annoying than people clipping their nails on the subway. Apparently, being "Modern Day Presidential" is even more so.

Silver Lining, Day 163

If aliens invade Earth, and meet Donald, maybe they'll feel sorry for us and let us live in their zoos, as opposed to annihilating us outright.

Silver Lining, Day 162

Humor me. If Trump had a lower back tattoo, what would it be?

Credit: Tontsa (@tony.tat2) Instagram

Silver Lining, Day 161

Thanks Donald, you keep exceeding my abysmally low expectations of you and your ability to act like a grown-up.

Silver Lining, Day 160

Trump plan to fix the New York City subways: let Congress run it, have Fox News say it's the greatest mass transit system in the universe, and all reports of delays, signal problems and derailments will be dismissed as "fake news."

Silver Lining, Day 159

Spotted on Broad Street.

Silver Lining, Day 158

In a Harry Potter world, would Trump be Slytherin? Or would he just be in Azkaban? We may never know, but Kellyanne Conway is definitely a Dementor. #StillRememberingBowlingGreen

Silver Lining, Day 157

Silver Lining, Day 156

I saw two Trump lookalikes in Times Square today. I wish tourists would stop feeding them!

Silver Lining, Day 155

Silver Lining, Day 154

Donald Trump is the fidget spinner of world leaders. He's cheap, he is making a few people very rich, people either love him or hate him, he's a symptom of a society gone wrong, he's a master of distraction, etc. And if I never see a fidget spinner again, I'll be super happy. Disclaimer: if this silver lining makes you mad, it's more likely that you love your fidget spinner more than the president.

Silver Lining, Day 153

When you have more faith and hope in 325 kids graduating in Staten Island than you do in the entire federal government. Congrats to the Class of 2017 at Staten Island Tech!

Silver Lining, Day 152

There's a new Nickelback album. This would normally nauseate me, but the current administration has increased my level of what I am able to tolerate in this crazy world.

Silver Lining, Day 151

Now that Julius Caesar has ended its run at the Delacorte Theater, angry conservatives can focus on more pressing issues, like the opioid epidemic and the threat from Russia in our domestic affairs. #Priorities #ArtIsNotTheEnemy

Silver Lining, Day 150

Happy my father doesn't use twitter to announce that he is part of a witch hunt. Happy Father's Day, Leon Cohen!

Silver Lining, Day 149

Mermaids and Pirates!

Silver Lining, Day 148

Thanksgiving Turkeys pardoned by Obama from 2009-2016 have been granted political asylum in Canada, so there's at least one thing that Trump can't undo.

Silver Lining, Day 147

Vladimir Putin is having the best year ever. It can only go downhill for him, right? RIGHT?!?!

Silver Lining, Day 146 (reprise)

Not a fan of Silver Linings? I'm convinced Trump used his birthday wish to get a bird to shit on me. Joy to all!

Silver Lining, Day 146

Thankful for the Capitol Police and first responders in Alexandria, Virginia, whose actions saved lives.

Silver Lining, Day 145

Tomorrow is Trump's birthday. Consider honoring him with a donation, in his name, to Planned Parenthood, the ACLU, or another worthy organization.

Silver Lining, Day 144

Saw Julius Caesar at the Delacorte Theater in Central Park on Friday. The production isn't perfect and, sure, Caesar is portrayed with Trumpy similarities, but the experience, as a whole, was exhilarating. It is art. It is theater that is thought-provoking. The fact that Delta Airlines and Bank of America pulled their sponsorship due to pressure from conservative media and Don Jr, is sad and disappointing. Duh, Caesar dies, but it is hardly an endorsement of violence - quite the opposite. I encourage people to see it and regard it with an open heart and open mind.

Silver Lining, Day 143

I discovered the secret to Trump's Greatness!

Silver Lining, Day 142

Kids not allowed on South Lawn, so no risk of Trump coming out in his bathrobe and yelling at them to get off.

Silver Lining, Day 141

Trump blamed a selfie stick for an unflattering picture. Hopefully this will mean an Executive Order banning selfie sticks. #NotTrueButIWishItWas

Silver Lining, Day 140

I finally found out what happened to my lost debit card. Someone jammed it in John McCain's brain. Will someone please get him to a doctor so they can extract it and he can start making sense again?

Silver Lining, Day 139

Jury Duty today means I will unlikely be called in the future to serve as a juror in a case in which the last name of the defendant is Trump.

Silver Lining, Day 138

I had concocted a post in which I took the news story from the Cincinatti Zoo last year, when a child fell into the gorilla enclosure, and replaced all references to Harambe with Donald Trump. It was going to be a funny whimsical piece, but then I scrapped it when I realized it was disrespectful to the memory of Harambe.

Silver Lining, Day 137

A day without a silver lining is like a president without a soul.

Silver Lining, Day 136

'Trump' Toilet Paper Unrolling in Mexico 

via Yahoo News 

Antonio Battaglia, a corporate lawyer and businessman, is introducing "Trump" brand toilet paper in Mexico later this year. 

Full story here.

Silver Lining, Day 135

At Citi Field last night, after the Mets lost, the fans were all blaming manager Terry Collins, not Obama.

Silver Lining, Day 134

Just two days after being infected, my Covfefe has cleared up completely!

Silver lining, Day 133

He just shortened the timeline for Mar-a-Lago to go under water. #DickMove #ThanksForNothingAsshole

Silver Lining, Day 132

Clearly, Donald is trolling me. I will not take the bait. #covfefe

Silver Lining, Day 131

Petition to Merriam-Webster to amend the definition of "fake" to include "unflattering to president" was rejected by the editorial board. Toddler-in-Chief then tweeted out that "Diktionaries used by ISIS to korrupt our kids! Heard this from someone somewhere (Fox?) so must be true! Sad! #KoolAid #WithoutIrony"

Silver Lining, Day 130

President found another way to pay for the wall, by translating food packaging for our friends in China:

Silver Lining, Day 129

Flights of beer make him a little more tolerable. — drinking beer at Coney Island Brewery.

Silver Lining, Day 128

I welcome all the fuss about Melania's $50,000 Dolce & Gabbana jacket. It makes me reminisce about the good old days when we used to pick on the President for stupid stuff, unlike, you know, all the treason and collusion and batshit craziness of 2017.

Silver Lining, Day 127

Fun with Autofill.

ALL CAPS is starting text, the rest is up to my phone. Feel free to share your own!

DONALD TRUMP the best way to wash away that new president smell.

SMALL HANDS of the first one but I'm not a fan of grapefruit.

PUTIN has a great role model for the hullabaloo and I have had a gastric sleeve.

THE PRESIDENT SPEAKS to be a worry wart.

SEAN SPICER SAYS "not sure if the incense will be burning or not, it's true that the total cost in tolls for four trips is a great lager from Kenya."

THE RUSSIANS HACKED into a pumpkin pie and the rest of your family.

SNOWFLAKES are still mad about the election despite the millions of our friends that voted illegally and the new hacked account shows you are a friend of mine.

SILVER LININGS and the new president of the United States would be easier than the first time I heard this much cursing at the Illinois State Fair in Springfield.

Have fun, folks!

Silver Lining, Day 126

Those astute enough to invest in Smoke and Mirrors in 2016 are much wealthier today!

Silver Lining, Day 125

Pope Francis survived first contact with Trumpolini. "He is something," Mr. Trump said, illustrating, yet again, his masterful command of the English language.

Silver Lining, Day 124

I'm thinking more about my mother today more than I'm thinking about our president. Happy Birthday, Mom!

Silver Lining, Day 123

Mr. Trump's yarmulke fended off a hostile takeover by his hair.

Silver Lining, Day 122

The Power of Oil.

Silver Lining, Day 121

A camel in Saudi Arabia was just overheard telling another camel, "My, that's a handsome man."

Silver Lining, Day 120

Note to White House staff- when Trump is overseas on his 9-day trip, remove all the doorknobs in the building. It's a great prank and, if there's anything we've learned in the past 120 days, it's that he has a great sense of humor. If he threatens to fire anyone, just blame that trickster, Nancy Pelosi.

Silver Lining, Day 119

They burn witches, right?